her work

Who would you count on to…
my parents

Make you smile?
papa, mama, humairah, hakim, brothers

Make you laugh?
razak 


Have the best music?
racheal yamagata and big bang


Be the most perverted?
susurrayyn


Give the best advice?
takemoto


Dance the best?
aunty farah


Be your shoulder to cry on?
aishah.


Do something stupid with you?
my 7 senoritas, inka, al, alia, QIS, mae


Teach you the most?
otosama ne takemoto


Gang up on other kids with you?
the girls


Rob a bank with you?
the girls


Go to the principle's office with you?

bunny

Hurt you the most?

My self


Dance crazy in public and dont give a crap what others think?
bunny, my pig fren, aishah, and the girls


Be the mother figure of your “group”?
cha'ee


i tag...
qis, xim

Creating Carabella

across the marbled hall, he stared deep in her beauty, by her warm presence, as her eyes glassed in hazel, upon others, dressed in grand, planted happy diamonds across their bares, lifting magic sensual senses with their well-taken-care-of appeals, with every step-ball-chains that they practiced for the night.. it was only her, that stand out, she who very much common dressed, with no stone on her clutch, neither her side were jeweled, or hair, he had never seen hair styled so natural for a ball as what he just had a sight about, the very reason that shine, was her hazel eyes, they glitter up the atmosphere, they were crystals like those on the queen's tiara, and sun rays from dawn. any man would be a fool to resist her. unfortunately, it was the States' Ball. every Duke across the states, was around fooling themselves, handling a sustainers by their whole grip, sipping it through everytime the beauty laid her eyes on them for a second, gulping it speed. among the fellow coward men, it was indeed fate that brought a courageous man from men, to actually hold on to a challenge, whatever the risk asks for. 

 Duke Barchestor : *bows in intro* pardon me for being so shameless, Good day isnt it? *points out by the crowd*

 Carabella     : indeed it is a very well evening, indeed as it seems as shown by Duchess Canterbury *points out by the lady whom slapped a man who harassed her, duchess canterbury cried in dismay, stomping her way out through the hall entrance, the audience paused, and played back to their previal business* such politeness and one such of a way for attention. *let out a safe giggle*

Duke Barchestor : *laughed along* i, in the other hand, had no idea i had been very rude enough to you to not introduce myself, allow me, I'm Adrian Barchestor. that would be Adrian for you.

Carabella : i dont mean to be rude nor pry, never cheat, Duke i know you are, and with that you shall be addressed. Dont take women as fools, or.. nutcrackers on christmas. if you study democracy books you would know, if you study these guests this evening you'd understand. *chipper grins*

Duke Barchestor : mind you, such beauty complexion, such alluring eyes, not they enough for a woman like you? but you, with all that adding with a mind not as mine nor others, more brilliant as ever had attacked- repulsed. *smiled in curiosity*

Carabella : *took a breath* and mind you, let me warn. or better let me rephrase,  take women as fools not. especially the lady, with vibrant thoughts, inches away from every of you. *prints a smile, dazzled Adrian*

Duke Barchestor : Very well impressed indeed, umm?

Carabella : troubled thought again? 

Duke Barchestor : im afraid not, but something else, making me feel like a bugger down the province who never had a brain.

Carabella : well then that is a bitter ,troubled thought.. what is it the matter?

Duke Barchestor : *ashamed, blushed* well.. i.. - what is your name? *half relieved-half in eagerness*

Carabella : *preps for humor* in reference, i am known as The Lady with Might, and a big will to change the world..-

Duke Barchestor : oh please, that is a big dream to catch though not that i meant - *continued mumbling while she started to speak*

Carabella : its Carabella.

Duke Barchestor : that i asked your name as the one your guardian named you like the infant called James- umm what did you say, sorry apparently, my mind was all the way to my nephew.. *dazzled by her ever giving smile*

Carabella : Duke of Ingroll, Adrian Barchestor.. i am Miss Applewood. That would be Carabella for you..

after an hour, they were still having their contents together, obviously Adrian wouldnt leave her company, not for any reasonable reason, even in loo requests. 

Yappari

no effort at all to write, i feel like theres no life towards my words.

so it was really a little figure

across the flame from the bonfire

yes i saw the lady

drenched in sea water as others see

but not i

who mingled by petite pebbles around

she was not any lady

she is an angel

she leapt on bond by bond

leaving a tasteful of regret in every soul

her crooked sight was sharp indeed beyond limit

okay halt, 

i got distracted by booking some movie tickets.

haha, anyway, tomorrow , may it be a brighter day

Inka, u bugger.

Dear inka.

I don't really know how to tell you this, but I'll join the monastery I think I realized it when When I quoted Santa As you ate enchilada and I saw you Sit on Manchester United's goalkeeper. I'm sure you're Frostbitten enough to understand That I did a sex-change. I'm returning Your ring to you, but I'll keep Your collection of butterflies as a memory. You should also know that I Never openly mocked The apartment building.

Good luck on your short-term leave from jail,

siti amirah

Dear (the last person who left a comment on your Journal).I don't really know how to tell you this, but ___1___. I think I realized it when ___2______3___ and I saw you Sit on ___5___. I'm sure you're ___6___ enough to understand ___7___. I'm returning ___8___ to you, but I'll keep ___9___ as a memory. You should also know that I ___10___ ___11___.___12___,-Your name-

1. What's the color of your shirt?
Blue - Our romance is over
Red - Our affair is over
White - I'll join the monastery
Black - I dislike you
Green - Our horoscope doesn't match
Grey - You're a pervert
Yellow - I'm selling myself
Pink - Your nostrils are insulting
Brown - The mafia wants you
No shirt - You're a loser
Other - I'm in love with your sister

2. Which is your birth month?
January - That night
February - Last year
March - When your dwarf bit me
April - When I tripped on sesame seeds
May - First of May
June - When you put cuffs on me
July - When I threw up
August - When I saw the shrunken head
September - When we skinny dipped
October - When I quoted Santa
November - When your dog ran amok
December - When I changed tennis shoes

3. Which food do you prefer?
Tacos - In your apartment
Pizza - In your camping car
Pasta - Outside of Chicago
Hamburgers - Under the bus
Salad - As you ate enchilada
Chicken - In your closet
Kebab - With Paris Hilton
Fish - In women's clothing
Sandwiches - At the Hare Krishna graduation
Lasagna - At the mental hospital
Hot dog - Under a state of trance
None of the above - With George Bush and his wife

4. What's the color of your socks?
Yellow - Hit on
Red - Insult
Black - Ignore
Blue - Knock out
Purple - Pour syrup on
White - Carve your initials into
Grey - Pull the clothes off
Brown - Put leeches on
Orange - CastratePink - Pull the toupee off
Barefoot - Sit on
Other - Drive out

5. What's the color of your underwear?
Black - My best friend
White - My father
Grey - Bill Clinton
Brown - My fart balloon
Purple - My mustard soufflé
Red - Donald Duck
Blue - My avocado plant
Yellow - My penpal in Ghana
Orange - My Kid Rock-collection
Pink - Manchester United's goalkeeper
None - My John F. Kennedy-statue
Other - The crazy monk

6. What do you prefer to watch on TV?
Scrubs - Man
O.C. - Emotional
One Tree Hill - Open
Heroes - Frostbitten
Lost - High
House - Scarred
Simpsons - Cowardly
The news - Mongolic
American Idol - Masochistic
Family Guy - Senile
Top Model - Middle-class
None of the above - Ashamed

7. Your mood right now?
Happy - How awful I've felt
Sad - How boring you are
Bored - That Santa doesn't exist
Angry - That your pimples are at the last stage
Depressed - That we're cousins
Excited - That there is no solution to this.
Nervous - The middle-east
Worried - That your Honda sucks
Apathetic - That I did a sex-change
Ashamed - That I'm allergic to your hamster
Cuddly - That I get turned on by garbage men
Overjoyous - That I'm open
Other - That Extreme Home Makeover sucks

8. What's the color of your walls in your bedroom?
White - Your ring
Yellow - Your love letters
Red - Your Darth Vader-poster
Black - Your tame stone
Blue - The couch cushions
Green - The pictures from LA
Orange - Your false teeth
Brown - Your contact book
Grey - Our matching snoopy-bibs
Purple - Your old lottery coupons
Pink - The cut toenails
Other - Your memories from the military service

9. The first letter of your first name?
A/B - Your photo
C/D - The oil stocks
E/F - Your neighbour Martin
G/H - My virginity
I/J - The results of your blood-sample
K/L - Your left ear
M/N - Your suicide note
O/P - My common sense
Q/R - Your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V - Your criminal record
W/X - David's tricot outfits
Y/Z - Your grades from college

10. The last letter in your last name?
A/B - Always will remember
C/D - Never will forget
E/F - Always wanted to break
G/H - Never openly mocked
I/J - Always have felt dirty before
K/L - Will tell the authorities about
M/N - Told in my confession today about
O/P - Was interviewed by the Times about
Q/R - Told my psychiatrist about
S/T - Get sick when I think of
U/V - Always will try to forget
W/X - Am better off without
Y/Z - Never liked

11. What do you prefer to drink?
Water- Our friendship
Beer - Senility
Soft drink - A new life as a clone
Soda - The incarnation as an eskimo
Milk - The apartment building
Wine - Cocaine abuse
Cider - A passionate interest for mice
Juice - Oprah Winfrey imitations
Mineral water - Embarrassing rash
Hot chocolate - Eggplant-fetishism
Whisky - To ruin the second world war
Other - To hate the Boston Celtics

12. To which country would you prefer to go on a vacation?
Thailand - Warm regards
USA - Best regards
England - Good luck on your short-term leave from jail
Spain - Go and drown yourself
China - Disgusting regards
Germany - With ease
Japan - Go burn
Greece - Your everlasting enemy
Australia - Greetings to your frog Leonard
Egypt - Fuck off now
France - In pain
Other - Greetings to your freaky family

Tagging : hazim, myra, qistina

By The Turn

at this point of life, i resist every company exists. the river blood pounds my heart out, it doesnt seem to care and consider how i feel, simply jumped, into conclusions that dont even includes me. and now i can even have the slightest moment of thoughts to wonder where do i fit in this life besides my family. who is it that really needs me. and i heard a whisper, honey its too early for you . maybe she's right, she was right all along.. nobody knew me so well besides myself, even the closest person, with blood relation, doesnt know me deep deeply, by the core of it all. though the fact was denied, and its been pushing to fact it self that it does. through out, i am dumfounded. cant think of any resolutions to all this, yet. its necessary i know but, i'm literally putting myself on hold, and pushed the pause button to find out about my scenes, my surroundings, slow as time should take it. but at times, there would just be some wall pushing my chest back to where i should be resting when all i wanted to do, was move. of course, lessons along the way of my life, that ive gone through i kept them in my mind, and the ones that were too much of complications i note them down somewhere. just in case i might tend to forget, which i doubt, because when the time comes, i dont forget them, just that i thought its better to leave it untouched, for fear it might repeat its disaster, my disaster. but somehow, that i got so numb, i forgot the feeling of fear. its there, but it just stood right behind me, only inches away. i used to write words rightly, synchronized with my thoughts, but now with all my head has covered with tears, and black sceneries, where am i ought to hold on? i'm blinded by my punishments, restraining myself from him, because i dont want to cause anything anymore. and sometimes i would hit the boundaries and run back, my eager selfishness did that. and for that,  hating it. i wish things would just be where i was accepting my faults, and for things to not let me go through it altogether, its not playing fair isnt it. a cruel beast, when i begged for it to not go on, it just walked straight ahead without looking back at the pity-some me. and now giving the laugh again, as it watches me from a distance, how empty i look, its entertainment to them, watching me in control, in a mountain of restrict orders, watching me deprived from braveness as i never dare to cross borders, the ones that they set, when they told me it was wrong to do. why cant i be myself? well now thats simple, the facts and myths around just hate my own, and they only have a sight of my skin, and not my blood and whats running around with them. i was born real, sense, a figure with a soul of joy and love, how i was brought up, but slowly, things turn around, i started to be just a figure, with a trapped soul on its knees to be set free again and breathe the bright air. i dont know and i cant believe why i'm letting others make me who i am, when i should just might as well stand tall, and figure all this fakers documents about myself and shred them all. slowly i'm searching for myself again, leaning on my weak pole, the center of this balance, and tear the things i dislike apart and slowly, grow and bloom as a new born.

In Loving Memory

I'll Move On

This road that I'm taking twists and turns
My life my chance turning dreams into reality.
Down this path faced with so many things
Sometimes I feel like giving up and turn away

Can't seem to go on
And I've been thru' this before
Now where am I?
Where do I stand?
A little lost here.
But I'll remember.
All those times you've brought me thru'.
I'd be a fool to give up cos' the goal is near

I'll move on I'll go on.
Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along.
Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may.
I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on

Here I am Once again caught in the rain.
Looking back I've come so far And I want to carry on
Take a step at time
It's alright.
Even thru' this rain, I want to smile again

Don't hold back now.
And i've been thru' this before.
Now where am I?
Where do I stand?
A little lost here.
But I'll remember.
All those times you've brought me thru'.
I can feel the sun shining down on me

Here I am, Here I am.
Lord I will take your hand.
And you will guide me along.
Survive thru' this storm.
So I say, come what may.
I'll hold on to my hope.
Yes, I will walk down this road.
And my passion drive will lead me on

Letting the Days Go By

what was left behind

the ones that didnt jump closer, further up by front

she lift her heads up

scowling at the sky

what seem to matter

never really leave the tan soils

instead they live together

eternity eats them souls

who couldve been the one

creating all this mess.

i have to deny the mess

dive in the many bless

shiver ghouls from graves

leaving footprints around the merry courtyard

and lead them all to the rights of left

many things had happened to her

her mind numb, confused all together

begging invisible skies

bring back what she missed

bring back and erase that given last kiss

i turn around, around the corner

as i close my eyes, there was light, golden and pure butter

where he stood by the good old well

with dancing diamonds that was born with it

waving smiles to me who sat still

couldnt move a limb even with my strongest will

when he told me 

pick up everything, all your breadcrumbs

dont waste a single drop

dont waste anything that has a risk of regret

pick it all up

and throw it away when you must

only for now

you could just pray for me

as i will watch over you

from a very far distance

keeping you safe with my guardian angels

and never worry about me being lonely

as i have them as my hearts and ears and lips

they have become the substitute people

for the ones i once had

the ones that i will meet again.

someday..

though she dreamt of him

though the words were clear

she couldnt stop her mind just yet

she lets herself dwell in the numb

decided to shout on it for later

only time 

only time, its what she promised.

to regain the ever strength

to live her life again.

A Numb Goodbye

it was a Sunday, got up early from crying so much that i lost my watch, i know, its kinda stupid, crying over a watch. so i got to KLCC philharmonic Petronas tower 1, everyone was all excited and happy, its Rehearsal day. but i wasnt screaming out of joy, just somehow the day was so sad to me.

the custom procedure, i went through, they scan your whole body and you have to put your bags on the scanning machine, you know like the one in the airports. then i went down the lift with everyone, there were too many of us, the lady had to bring two-3 trips down from lobby.

the place was nice, okay. the studio was cool too. but not as i expected, thought it should be bigger, but then yeah, atleast we could have it for awhile.

i really couldnt laugh at all, i tried, failed. then i thought, i'll just have to get it over with, no point being selfish and child-much. got some candy in mouth, melting away the miseries, (as though i had one) and off i went,, dancing away like a jolly dolly. kicking off the start with a smile. breaking through

i was practicing on my own, infront of the mirror, it was break time, so everyone was practically doing their own thing. and i saw aunty farah on the phone, with a change of look, and she kept on looking my direction, but i continued doing what i was. then, "Siti.." aunty farah called out my name. i turned to her. "it's your mom" just something about her tone seems different. Is something up? no, maybe, mom just wanted to check up on me, bring me lunch or something, maybe..

"Siti.. i'm at the hospital right now.. i might have to.. pick you up.. very soon" she was struggling for air. "Mom, what's going on?" my voice breaks thru the phone, it must be something bad, i knew it. but she ignored my question.. "I'll pick you up later, okay". she hung up. at first i wasnt sure of what really happened, but then i heard aunty farah said something about my grandfather. i knew it was grandpa. hysterically, right were i was standing, i fell to the floor, and cried. aunty farah pick up her footsteps and hugged me.

i couldnt describe, the feeling, but i saw my tears falling rapidly, continuosly, i heard voices, be strong- is what the kept on saying. but all thats in my head was pictures of grandpa. there were lots of people by me, around. everyone patted me by the shoulder, but i couldnt feel anything. ironicly of the people around me, make me feel so lonely somehow. at first i was so heartbroken, and suddenly all i felt was nothing. A numb. no, my whole body, physically and mentally. there were questions in my head, some were clear, but its like my body rejecting everything that i was trying make em clear.

they told me to scream, shout, cry let it all out. but i just couldnt, i dont know how. it seems impossible to do. and finally all i did, was cry silently and stare into space, trying to untangle the confusive facts in my mind. what just happened?

suddenly, i was on autopilot. i think i did laugh, or shout too. but it really wasnt me. i let my past control the skin works, while the inside was grieving graves. it made me feel tired, exhausted.

then mom came, wth Razak driving. "What time?" i asked mom. she didnt need the full question. "1.40" replied mom, below her voice. sighing. Razak was having a migraine. Ignoring their presence, i let the same reason eat me up again, and soak myself in my own tears.

after all was ready, we head to the mosque. as closer we were to the destination, i was still numb. as if someone were to stab more than once i wouldnt feel a pain, not a nerve.

then i saw my grandmother, disabled, on a wheelchair with Yasin by her grip, tearing away as she saw me. I exploded into more tears when i saw her expression looking at me as i came helding her hands by mine, kissing her by the cheek.

my cousin , Ned, came out of the Bilik Pengurusan Jenazah, "come, let's see him for the last time". i can feel the glass pieces stabbing me like a drum roll. as i enter the white room, there i saw a very slim thin figure covered in white cloth on the floor, center of the sobbing crowd. uncounted amount of tears was shed. the heart was screaming, beating like it wants to get out of the system. pumping blood, each of em cells scattered like wild life, running marathons.

then i saw his numb face.. he look like he was sleeping. peacefully, he looked like a peaceful statue sleeping. looking at him, i couldnt believe he left. he was still there, his figure right infront of me, wont he speak? they told me i had to give him a last kiss, though, without a tear touching his face from mine, at first i thought it was sort of impossible, i keep on wiping my tears out, though the same ones runs down again, it was frustrating. then i gathered a lion's courage and strength to stop the tears from coming out for minute, i thought i should hold my breath but theres no need for that, i cant even breathe. then right after my brothers, i took my turn, slowly i approached him, and kissed him on the cheek. his skin was cold, made me repel fast from him, and then i was free to burst again.





entering the graveyard, said some prayers for the dead, and walked to the one. everyone was already there. crowding again around him. when i reached there, they already placed him six feet under, i could only stand aside as i watched them scratching earth to cover his deep bed. i looked around all my relatives, seeing their down faces, the same tears fell. my aunt that ive never seen her down, the one that never gave up, the one that was always wanted to give a strong personality of herself upon others, she stood beside grandmother, holding her hands, crying silently as i were. heartbroken, hurtful as it was to me, it mustve been much much much more as it is for her and all her other siblings including my father, the man that never knew how to cry. deepest weaknesses had been revealed.

then comes the Talkin, followed with the siraman air bunga mawar. i took my turn again, but then i had to help my grandmother with it, she tried her best to hold the glass jug of rose water in her unrecovered condition.


just when i thought the day had end, someone shouted "Bring back the flowers, Uncle Md Noor is here" i turned and saw him and his wife, on their knees by grandpa's grave. it broke my heart more to see the person that always made everyone laughed, was on his knees, facing the soils, grabbing a handful of the earth. him, the eldest son.




a day never had been so numb til today. i still cant believe Grandfather had left us. i will miss him, the times when i had came to visit, he greeted me at the door, the way he said words, spoken from a good strong man, and the key to come in his house was to let him kiss you by the cheeks. the last i saw of him was the time he was in his sick bed in University Hospital. he was sleeping, fighting his body to live, and he was really thin. i didnt want to disturb his rest, so i decided to leave a note. i dont know if he read it, but my mom told me today, he did.

Dear Embah,

Me and papa came to visit you around the evening
but you were having your rest.
So get well soon okay?
take care, Embah.

Lots Of Love,
Siti Amirah

White Cherry ODM

The starting off of today was alright, decent. Woke up first third in my family, realising mom and hakim gone, probably off to breakfast somewhere, GLADLY to not woke anyone else up and sneak out early. i hit the shower and get prepd up, and later straight to my Breaking Dawn.

then Kahar came down looking at me up and down as tho im hiding his present or something, he holds that look of a kid on Christmas morning, too bad, sorry i didnt get anything for him, too broke. i wish i did. oh well. yeah i did the whole wishing him happy birthday thing. He's 20 now, apparently loaded at that age.. i wanna get loaded like him, maybe better. Thats some thought.

then my mom got back. with IKEA's plastic bags. so she had breakfast at my fave restaurant without waking me up. imagine how i feel. but then she brought back the awesome curry puffs, and those liquorice (how you spell it?) yeah.

later today then, it was decidedly so that we're having burn-burn for dinner, lamb chops and grilled hotdogs and beef steaks. so mom and kahar went to the groceries and brought back some looks like a sack of lamb, a bag of hotdogs, mash potatoes, and veggies. so then i had to marinate the lambs, make those mash potatoes, (not like yrs qis, mine is instant mashed XD) salad, and its dressing.
was so busy with everything, aas i thought later i could rest when Bunny called up around evening asking if i'm heading to OU later, told her i might not, but she asked me if i could go, as she wants to go too. Kahar was going, cuz he has the VVIP ticket for his birthday, so yeah, i went with him and Rosie, kahar's friend. that is after the burn burn dinner. i ate like a pig today.

lazy as i was to style up, i just put on tights and a comfortable cotton ons', a lil make up, and finished off with simple flip flops. i was thinking of jewelries but then it'd be too heavy, but i didnt want to leave the ODM behind, makes me feel incomplete, so i let my bag 'wear' em. of course, i wouldnt take off the ring.

then i arrived at OU. searching and searching for bunny, she didnt pick up her phone, probably couldnt hear em, so i text twice, all no reply, then i started to panic.

when i finally got in the building, i called her up again and miracle worked there, she pick em up.
so we meet up somewhere and off to get my cread. she was looking all cute with her huge 'Peace Symbol' hoop earrings and rainbow top. almost a hippie but anyhoo she's stylo. and we saw Anis and Ainaa, looking all so hot :)

then went down to the event, to the VVIP section to meet her cousin, she was solid hungry, had to ask ofr money when Kahar, just about to get in the VVIP place, gave me 2 VIP tickets. i quickly took em away from the birthday boy's grip, me and bunny heads to the VIP section, almost running more of it. Bunny was all yay, free food.

then we went in OU again, saw Faryd, asked for Faqih and of course he was invinsible, bunny wanted to punch his face, which i thought made him more unseen. he probably heard her and ran meters away.

then i went in the bathroom, and as i got out, i realise my bag wasnt wearing my baby anymore. my heart stopped right there and then. until a few seconds buns nudged me asking whats wrong. and i shouted. "Its GONE!"

my white cherry ODM. the one i love so much, the one i care for, screw my stupid ego for not wanting to wear them. Bunny was trying to help me, soothe me, but all i can think about was the time i had received it from dad, how he pranked me last year, there i was all tired from tuition centre, all jealoused as i heard stories from tuition friends of their new watches, Nike, Adidas, Paris Hilton, etc etc. i highed up the stereo volume and sat rest. then i saw a white perfect square box infront of me in the car, by the compartment. i took the box carelessly, flipping it over and over, then i saw it, ODM was printed on it. so i opened it, when dad said "Woah, opening the box like its yours..-" "Oh, its abang's right?, i thought so, just wanted to have a look.." i said to him. "Hmm.. yeah? why dont you see how it looks like? is it okay?" he asked me back. it was odd that he told me to open it when he just raised his voice that i was trespassing other ppls things. but i was tired and careless, so i opened it. ... and it was so beautiful, and i thought twice, a boy with this white watch with Cherry prints on the background on his wrist..? okayy.. "its nice, Dad, i saw this on the mag ad, its really nice" i tried to keep my voice steady, controlling my jealousy level that suddenly making its own decision to want to hop out from my hormones like Toad Princes. my dad hesitate a lil, humming something below his voice and said this out loud. "Its YOURS"

i couldnt speak at all. i rearranged his words, again and again, for few minutes, took a few more of time, then i realise the reality, the gift i just received. then only my voice came, then i shouted too, he was shocked by my expression, saying he didnt know such a present freaked me out to tears. yes, i was crying. i never had an original watch, crying nonstop, holding the watch carefully, examining it again and again, all this was a lil too fast. he said the reason was, he promised me a real watch 7 years ago, when the time i was so into Ballerina Swatch watches, but i never got them, economically our family weren't steady. and now i got this pretty baby. and it was also because of my birthday, and PMR. i'm going to need watches thru the exams.. it was extreme. the watch meant so much to me. more than the thought, nah, kidding, i love my dad ;D a 15th year old girl, finally got one of her wish granted, made her feel like a 7 year old again. dad couldnt stop laughing, he himself didnt expect i would be so eccentric about it, but yeah i was so much, couldnt stop the tears too. so right there, it was decided that i am going to take care of this watch, no matter what will come, it will be my companion.

remembering the memory only just gives melancholy mood, and if Shakespeare were to judge me now, he will reflexly say "Tragedy, nonetheless." i cry and cry again. and finally i stopped cause we reached the mamak store, as i was painting emoness face on my own, sipping my iced tea, feeling like killing myself thinking if there were such law sudden death for stupidity and recklessness i be willing to surrender myself, when this infant in a baby chair, with messy curls, and lips gooey, with his mom feeding him half boiled egg. as i watched him concentrating on his meal, focusing on the food til he was frowning and his eyes got together, it was impossible to avoid a laugh, he was so cute, that heaven sent baby gave me happy mood. and i was able to relax for a bit.

just when i got home, dad was watching TV, may be news or something, but i went straight up to him, dont know where the guts came from but i knew i just had to tell him. so i told him everything, as the tears came running again, he said its alright, whats done is done, that he said again, losing something precious, means something more precious will come to you in return. but knowing my mood, i couldnt accept the fact. he said we'll get a new one, i told him it wont be the same, the feeling. so he shared me a speech for the soul, lighten me up with some senses. i know i cant have it back. so i just have to pick up whats left and move on. i'll miss it so much, i hated my own guts for it. but i know i shouldnt feel this way. 'll learn to let go somehow. can always try. Dont you give up on me, as i wont on You, amin.

Hans Solo

just watched Oprah, mom ended up crying by the time credits runs up. The Usual routine.
It's my brother's birthday. and i lost my phone again. after coming home from school last night i was so drained, all the energy was sucked out from me, like the Dementors was around. i was waiting in the rain, and of course knowing how weak my antibodies, i had a light a fever that night with a weight of a million tons of migraine. i wanted to dance in the rain, luckily Bunny reminded me of myself. This is such a random post. Recognise the grammar? yeah. its a lazy day.

Renesmee

i hate Jacob. stupid dog.

i'm restraining myself to not freak out again, thats why i'm not going all out when it comes to relationships. so yeah, now i'm going neutral, not too positive nor negative, too positive will just lead to freaking out, too negative brings hatred. perfectly content where i am. :D:D:D:D:D

breaking dawn, the best ;)

it was Great

so takemoto, hagu, yamada and mayama went out today. it was tremendous. fullstop. happiness just filled the air. need i say more?

Be Your Love

If I could take you away
Pretend I was queen
What would you say
Would you think I'm unreal
'Cause everybody's got their way I should feel

Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real
Want to be your everything

Everything...

Everything's falling, and I am included in that
Oh, how I try to be just okay
Yeah, but all I ever really wanted
Was a little piece of you

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

Everything will be alright
If you just stay the night
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away
Please, sir, don't you walk away, don't you walk away, don't you walk away

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

And everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love, for real
Everybody's talking how I, can't, can't be your love
But I want, want, want to be your love
Want to be your love for real

nina & siti's song.

do you hear it in our voice
we sang as loud as we could
for you to hear us by the coldstone
no it wasnt easy, that much
no it wasnt easy, that fought
left the burden beyond our backs


yes one of us had our heartbroken
one of us had our heart stolen
one is happy but the other just cries all night

the story just our diary
the letters screams out loud
no we dont turn to the godmother, fairy
we cry we laugh we sing we bow
another fairytale than brings princesses to life

Jealous. Maybe.

Carabella is Done.

One, two.. breathe and put them aside
let the drops hurt you inside
as you have failed them alive
when they have been so magically patient and loyal to you

yet all you did was stepping on its head,
pacing your mind with poison yourself,
but why deep inside you cant just
hit and run with this one,
all the love thats been done,
you resist it,
yet all the hate
you savour so much,
it is after all your fault
now that the path decided to skip a heartbeat
and take control of itself
you suddenly felt like you couldnt breathe
realising now after all the decades thats been through
you only realise when your life is at stake,
you forgive the non existing sins that it makes,
and when you have lost completely
you finally know yourself
you need to swallow the pain willingly
just as it did to yours
so now, be thankful
that it acted to you.

finally get it

understood, the point. pathetic, down, buried.

Baby's Groove

it all started with feeling the beat
and next all you know
youre moving yr torso
to the whole idea of dancing start filling your feet ;D

uh shh

what a fake Jacob Black
with a twisted mind,
sick thoughts.

oh wait that noy Jacob Black at all
was just you

my bad.

ese~

so the chance was wide open
and this heart was ready to succumb
but the other just wont accept,
how this dumb felt
embarassed away
the sin was still there
nothing to lose
the other just wont give up
now that it knows the steps
that has been repeated
the forgiveness had been made
but the dusk doesnt pray anymore
so the heart throbbed down
the water by her open charm
was thrown just like that
all ready to fight fate
but fate brings more to what expected
stubborn much?
moving on then
life is more than words
after all.

Your Wish

so you dont want me to hope on you, consider it done ;D

so no more hassle okay, i suggest you enjoy your freedom

hey hey now, dont worry about it

i'm not even a little bit hurt

this is wonder woman youre messing with.

Creams of The Pie

as i sat drifting away in my dreams
the artificial clouds went dancing above ahead
i heard the noisy rain of the city, gossiping and whining again
i wonder as my mind floats if the rain had been quiet and calm in the woods
and the differences that it will make
from dreams to reality.
so which is my goal spotlighted on?

the rain, keep tempering on the ground
smashing every angry drops
they fell gracefully
but when they reached down,
their foreheads lanky mixed up that pretty frown.

i sat again
my butt swallowed the numb
but what was more numb was my own head
more most to that stinging heart of mine.

every beat was a drum
the instrument hit my heart pretty damn hard
on every pulse
if i lose my counting i would just get lost
Lost in life.
Lost in a phase.

Look What Youve Done

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems like such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

One Last Breath

so take my hand

and forget the problems that remained unchained

so sweet the candy that lights up my world

every ingredients came from you

shudder shoulders and revolve

i think the world will call on me tonight

i guess it may call and leave me all its might

cause i seemed just like a petting escalade

look at it now

so humble and below

look why cant you see

it is me heartbroken all alone

did you think i could live on my last breath without you

how could you laugh around and look at them like nothings going on

i know i did it too but no it wasnt easy, to act that way infront of you

so i did laughed too much, went like nothings wrong

but believe this when i say

i lost who i really am

i dont know what is right anymore

my painting is nothing but grey

ever since you took my heart away

leave this all behind

my heart is not mine

its wandering

and i cant find it back..

but am i giving up already

no i wont give in that easily

oh i'll breath and i'll live one my one last breath

i will wake up every morning

and tell myself that i'm okay

i will sure survive today

though no more this heart can bounce

though i know i will breakdown..

i'll give it a shout today for every tomorrows

living on a lie is alright as long as i live through a day

yes today tomorrow and the days to come 

say hello to this person coming around

with a liars identity

on her one last breath

Demira's Heartbreak

i lately wonder, if the words he said, were still the same as time goes by. That one thing he said to me. Kept my heart hooked on forever, that promise, the way he swore. said that he wont stop, for forever. but as things went on and off like these. i dont think he'd be still. not being judgemental but i'm kinda sure of it. it seems so like it. i'm completely nothing to him. i'm erased everywhere. so as it is.. it was that easy huh? Just because, i went silent equals that i havent been born at all. i do know my faults and falses. maybe i should just drop it off, though since who knows when, ive only been faking my feelings for him, that i actually do care, but i know the level that i was feeling, and the level there was just too much, i got scared. yes, courage has never been my friend. yet i was right, without him, i was totally out of control, no matter how in control i tell myself that i am, i am so weak. and the thing is, my feelings for him are so clear, it falls apart because i told it to. i do miss him, so much. but i realise, theres no turning back.

Simplicity

simplicity too much for you to handle
i give it one look by the cradle
watching my tears still on the floor
remembering the time you walked through the door

give it a Haha

laugh, laughhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ngahaaa. siti yr crazyyy now. do you care about anything? no! ngahah.

Two Republic

hey hazim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i'm sorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

okay!??!?!

i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i'm sorry.


my friend, my best best chatterbox.

dont want to lose you.

i'm sorry kayyyy.

i'm sorry

sorry.