Truth To the Base

Okay, i feel indecisive on what i should do next. my past life with guys i've known are all categoried as my mistakes and that i learnt from it. there were good memories but of course the nightmares are much worse and haunts me most of the time. i grew powerless towards my own heart. couldnt control it any better than i once were. how can i, i mean i've been putting my trust my all to these ppl and they end up breaking it but not appreciating it as it is. whatver has happened to me builds what i am now. its very hard for me now to trust people. i need alot of time to finally plant my trust in someone new. sometimes i think to myself, maybe i dont even need to trust anyone at all in the first place. but i had chose the opposite because my life went upside down as i realise to live and love is to trust. and second of all you need to be open to somebody who you love. i envied the people around me which relationships that are strong that nobody can break them apart. of course theyve got problems too well hey thats human nature.

before saying 'i love you' you really need to know what love is all about. you cant just splash the words on someone by which you never mean it. its not the feeling of you suddenly get excited by that special persons presence. its the feeling of you want to protect that someone from any circumstances. from you i dont see it. i dont feel it. because with me you shut down yourself. i dont want to know whats going in your head. i dont know how you feel about me. are you playing with me. are you with me just the sake of reputation 'i have a girlfriend now?' are you not serious with me? if you do of all of the above we should really go back to square one where we are just some friends. but if you dont and love me, please let me know, tell me how you feel, communicate with me. i am looking for someone to share my life with. this all might seem too early for you to know but i might as well be ready this time before i got my heartbreaks that i've been through again. if you cant handle this, if you are ever in doubts of being with me i suggest you to let me go.