What The Hell?

staring down the mischievous lane that i took.. what has it turned out to be? what has the consequence gave me.

a one hard knock on my face i can tell you that.

surprises..

i realised this alley was wrong. not to say not to the differ not that i would want to compare but.. i guess it was a simple mistake? rather, i doubt thats the way i'm feeling actually. i kept on twirling these kind of roads that wasnt meant for me. i kept on laughing with people who arent suppose to be friendly, but theyre very nice.

what crap did i just typed? omg you mustve think this woman's gone crazy no? not really she's just drowning by her own act. tired of explaining. i realised i didnt even did but i just avoided the term of explainations.. why? oh no more questions please. conclusion, its been the worse school break i went through. i need to work. i kept allowing distractions to rotten me up. theres gotta be a stop towards all this. no more of it. i cant live like this

whats actually bothering.. i cant seem to talk to anyone. i dont know why. i use to have alot of people i can talk too. people oh people. they change drastically.

felt like i cant count on anyone else. i think its because i depend too much on a person, that i didnt figure it was coming, that the person actually didnt understand me. how frustrating this situation is. i cant hold it

i am drowning

so this is how it feels huh. to have nobody to talk to. its not that i dont want to share. but i felt like my matter right now, anyone can know it if they just pay attention and get logic. i'm tired of explaining. 

and somehow i felt irritated by myself to just easily tell people to get out of his or her problems or fears or phobias, give them words they wanted to hear, gave advises, get them motivated.. but i just cant apply all those to myself. stupid weak person! yes gotta say, im just human with a heart and a brain who got a whole million chapters to learn referring the subject of life. 

truthfully, inside here ( my heart, soul mind) got a lil too much worries. dragging the queen off from her crown. 

i used to be so confident with what i write, but it seems that now is just so full of bladders.its sad to read back my old post, comparing the confidence that adhered me back then and now its like poosh! all gone. like i read back 'Pointless' and 'Take the Step'.. its kinda yeah how im feeling now.telling myself "Yes Siti, thats how right you were about yourself, and now youre not so sure anymore? What happened to you?" but oh. guess i just need time to get myself right back on track with my usualties all on my own.so they say we were born alone and will die alone so who cares about in between right..Gotta fight alone too missy so pucker up your guts and lets get this over with. but before that, lets breath first. How i miss the happy me. shikes.. Time to all it will erase