Happy Birthday, my sweet friend

haha. ilysm.

forever and ever babe

17

1st September 2009

the Substitutes

thank god for you.. i wouldnt be tearing apart

bit by bit from the heart

i thank god you existed

that He created you

not as shield to protect me from harm

the cost of harm had already been taken

but as a Healer that heals the shatters

i thank god that after a sick downfall of the rain

you were there as my shelter

finally a sign of light

after a prolonged darkness

Now Look What've You Done

Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I can't fake it.
And I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do

_

marcos

Yet

if only you wouldnt hold on to my heart so indelicately

if only you knew every tone when this midge screams its peaks

if only you turned your back and have a look at me when i fell

if only then and there you saved me from falling

if only you stayed to hear on my unnecessaries

if only fate somehow twists so that we meet everyday

though we wont conversate

but i know you'll feel my presence

stabbing in your heart

repeating its indulgence

howling at its glory

and if only i wasnt a cursed statue

not a limb moving

only a heart beating

thromping its way

finding an escape

and if only there wasnt any memory left of you

or maybe a tragedy would happen

truly so that, that part of my memory is erased

and never would come back

and if only i knew

how stupid i was to not think of you

how moronic not to whisper i love you

and if only now

that i wont be here like this

picking up every piece

yet.

to all this.

if only pigs could fly then yeah.

For The Love of God

heeeeyaahhhmohhh

*blows invisible wind, and prays with her hand lifted and blows again*

where the hell is the old brain of yours? where is it?! find it, damn it. you gotta have it back!

okay heres the doodle. i read back all my old posts and the old me makes the new me (as in current me) feels alot stupid-er. why? heck. cause my writings was inspirational back then and now, its like *bump* a sack of waste products. i think i need to practice more, often, alot. (Seee??! i cant even choose one fitted word for what my mind is delivering, that simple, i hv to just choose all of em -.-") and wait... its like deja-vu all over again? hahh! i feel like Alex The Lion when he said "i dont know, its like deja vu, like ive been here before" something like that @.@ cause i found this post which i was nagging and complaining like an Obachan on the topic of the day = Siti Lost Her Inspiration in writing. T___T sheesh. theres like a million sentences that should be typed by now with this kind of mood but seriously, they aint coming out. its so frustrating.. for now i am adamant to get back my inspiration. oh where is it? i think someone planted a firewall in my brain just by the ducts where grammar and shakespeare lives up in there when i was sleeping or something, not allowing graceful words to come pouring out to speak for my emotions. or maybe its the Other Day Incident.. where i felt like the earth had stopped just so that everyone else in the world including those from North Pole all the way to Australia (no doubt for down there, i have relatives -.-) could watch me cry, holding a note, with a burnt kind of style, with those words that was so promising before. ..fuhh. too much information.

anyway yeah.

Siti how?

how what?

well to get your old brain back in track

whatever for?

OHHHH!

stop playing. im crazy now its worthless to find make-sensing words from my head. alls that there is is just.. playground mates vocabulary.

maybe i should just sleep it off..........

Time

why would time be so unfair

for general being it would move on

as time would go living

others will cry, live and die with

just like the waters by the shore

it comes and goes

it doesnt wander

wont waste to linger

it will come

and it will go

as it is

..

but why

in this case

why for me

time frozes in its own method

that if i cry

i'd cry forever

that if i pass by

i'll not move on

that if i come

i will not go

that if i live

i will not die

its a moment that holds

it drags

waiting for the worse to come

..

i tried everything

by my will

crossed countries

finding solutions

hoping there is to a life of a conclusion

imagining in my head

maybe someday

i could finally breathe free

..

i tried potions

fought with motions

but alls fail

i lost the war

couldnt find the light

to the end of this tunnel

not a glimpse of sun

..

but again

why should i continue fighting

i'm on life support

and whats best is

it doesn't matter anymore.

what was left behind

the ones that didnt jump closer, further up by front

she lift her heads up

scowling at the sky

what seem to matter

never really leave the tan soils

instead they live together

eternity eats them souls

who couldve been the one

creating all this mess.

i have to deny the mess

dive in the many bless

shiver ghouls from graves

leaving footprints around the merry courtyard

and lead them all to the rights of left

many things had happened to her

her mind numb, confused all together

begging invisible skies

bring back what she missed

bring back and erase that given last kiss

i turn around, around the corner

as i close my eyes, there was light, golden and pure butter

where he stood by the good old well

with dancing diamonds that was born with it

waving smiles to me who sat still

couldnt move a limb even with my strongest will

when he told me

pick up everything, all your breadcrumbs

dont waste a single drop

dont waste anything that has a risk of regret

pick it all up

and throw it away when you must

only for now

you could just pray for me

as i will watch over you

from a very far distance

keeping you safe with my guardian angels

and never worry about me being lonely

as i have them as my hearts and ears and lips

they have become the substitute people

for the ones i once had

the ones that i will meet again.

someday..

though she dreamt of him

though the words were clear

she couldnt stop her mind just yet

she lets herself dwell in the numb

decided to shout on it for later

only time

only time, its what she promised.

to regain the ever strength

to live her life again.