I wish

i wish i could just tell you how i feel about you.
that i do have feelings for you but its still undefined.
sometimes the things in this world, it dont make sense.
like how i really feel. its like youre trying to remember a dream.
it all turns blurry. and i hate the feeling that im lost to find.
youre my destination. youre a hope of mine that i look forward to.

Sickness

it was dawn. i climbed up the roof again. the moon was still seen as it sets. and the sun was doing its best job at rising.

both of the planets outshines eachother. the moon was peacefully calm, in a wave manner gives human the love mood. the sun was ecstatically bringing happy thoughts towards any living men watching it rise. but my topic for this does not have anything to do with sun and moon. its about me. of late.

i am not fit to join any sports that i am interested in. for the cause of my weak heart. unable to even go brisk walking. but what i mostly worry bout my own self is that my love in dancing. every sunday i have rehearsal for the musical. and its always tough. had to give all out. while i dance and whirl i will be okay but the hazardous part is the result of the next day. i will feel like i am washed out. my blood draining out of me as i slowly lost my breath and my heartbeat rise like its racing for a league cup.

and i am very embarassed with myself as i often faint in school. my friends would be there beside me of course. but look what i have done so far? keep on being sick and keep on being such a troublesome to all of them.

all i want to do now is be well and keep fit. which is why now i am struggling to reach my goal.

Sophie's Mind

. i dont understand life.. or do i? or am i just pretending that i dont?
i am stating that the phase im going through dont need to have boyfriend. strongly believe so, so that i dont want to be hurt, or to hurt someone i care about. thats superly common right now. and others will say thats bullshit. everybody needs special someone. another super common thing. this moment, i say, that i dont need this. teens dont need these. its a probable distraction. and while at it, planting the thoughts of no relationships, suddenly, a huge wave of lust and greed and pushers fall right on top of me. whispering to me everything that i'm against. negotiations.

and i get confused.

..............................................

the times of those days where i fall in 'love' so called. always end up trashy. and the rubbish is, i cant believe why i allowed my self into the dumpster. i showed myself the way even. and allowed myself fall to it twice or maybe more.
why do they do it? does it bring joy to them? or am i at fault. probably.
.............................................
when i found myself a friend. or two. some will say i'm a slut. hooking all over the place.

and when that happens, i feel lke laughing. whatever. he or she doesnt know whats really going on.
and part of me tells me to dont even talk to the opposite sex anymore to be on the safe side. now i feel like laughing to myself!
..............................................
so this is it. i'm avoiding this. no more of it. until who knows when.

Rumours, Lies

All last summer in case you don't recall,
I was yours and you were mine, forget it all
,Is there a line that I could write,
Sad enough to make you cry?
All the lines you wrote to me were lies...
Months roll past, the love that you struck dead,
Did you love me only in my head?
Well the things you said and did to me,
Seemed to come so easily,
The love I thought I'd won you give for free...

Whispers at the bus stop,
I heard about nights out in the school yard,
I found out about you...

Rumors follow everywhere you go,
Then you left and I was last to know,
Well you're famous now and there's no doubt,
All the places you hang out,
They know your name and know what you're about...

Whispers at the bus stop,
I heard about nights out in the school yard,
I found out about you...

Street lights break on through the car window,
And the time too often on AM radio,
Well you know it's all I think about,
I write your name, drive past your house,
Your girlfriend's over,
I watch your light go out...

Whispers at the bus stop,
I heard about nights out in the school yard,
I found out about you...

i Dont Understand

why the heart exist when in the end it breaks and shatters.
why people make drugs and in the end, end up 8 feet underground.
why marriage occur when all the desire was for wealth.
why people dream and imagine and they never make it true.
why people build stuff to pollute and kill and still smile about it.
why people are so smart but dumb.
why people smoke when it kills them.
why teenagers never realise what life actually means.
why girls still complain about her beauty when she's so pretty.
why nightclubs exist when all it brings are sins.
why all people think about is money.
why people never think over the 'Family First' phrase.
why people could have the heart to hurt their loved ones.
why people never open their eyes to reality.
why boys thinks about babes bodies when theres more to appreciate.
why people never knew what distort theyve brought to a person.
why animals heart are way better than us humans and we still could curse them.
why people cut down trees and abuse greens when theyre our source of living.
and why people are so stupid to realise all of the above.

the Rooftop

i remember the first time i climb this rooftop. Dont know what was i thinking. curious? maybe.. Adventurous?

maybe cause i wanted to get a better view of the sky. Well, of course.. i did. after all my 15 years, it was my first time that i came up here. its simply calming. i took a very deep breath while gazing at the wide surroundings.

pretending the roof wasnt hot when i step on em, i climb to the top. then fear came by as i fear i'll lost my balance. but still i stood there with my arms open, trying to maintain balance.

this old rooftop is ancient. all this years, no one has ever come to clean them.. rain or shine, it is still so strong. i imagine the rooftop falls down with me and i had broken limbs.

the rooftop made me imagine, made me calm, made me think of life, made me think of past and helped me to plan a better life.

but i have only climbed the rooftop on the evening cause thats the time when lots of birds pass by and the zincs' not so hot. and its when the skies are clear, and the clouds glittery.

and i have been wanting to climb up there at night. if only i was brave enough. i bet i could see the night sky perfectly. the stars will sing for me. the moon will smile with its Cheshire Cat grin. how i've long to do so.

nobody knows how i love to go up there, except my father. he caught me at the balcony listening to my mp3. when i told him i just came down from the roof he let out a sarcasm laugh. so i prooved him wrong and went up the rooftop infront of his eyes. then his face changed.
later then, he too climbed up the roof like pro, confidently. he didnt need to have his arms open like i do. obviously he has come up here quite some time, secretly. he told me he'll teach me how to balance perfectly next time. then when dusk arrive. we went in the house.


every now and then, i climb up the roof. whenever i'm devastated, the rooftop is where i'll be. or when im ecstatic, or when i feel like being dreamy.

if you think you've lost me, think again. and check the rooftop ;)

truesie footsie fruity/bunny

oh gosh, people. whats up with me today?? lately i have just been saying whatever i want without shame. like telling mom what happened with the guy i use to like. surprisingly mom took my story well. and telling my bestfriend my deepest regrets. and telling a guy i use to have a crush on him. he's impression was okay. lol. and telling my ex off.he took my advice. and today at rehearsal was fun. and i talked to people whom i barely knew. and most off them are nice. and my bestfriend told me his deepest darkest secrets. not that i already knew what it was. he states i'm weird and stupid. watever..

so there she goes telling me she's going off.bunny's going off? for real>? is she telling the truth? or is it some april fool act? i'll slap her if it is :P woah.. i cant believe this. what am going to do without her loudness? recess time would be quiet. what if a guy i got involve with acts ASS'sy? she wouldnt be there to scold him. what if when i caught myself in tears? she wouldnt be there to make me smile. but what i do now is that, no matter where she will be, no matter what she's doing, our memories together will be sewn in my heart so it'll stay forever, i'll remember her thats for sure.
so we ( me and my girls) planned a surprise. celebrate a farewell party for her. at Charms. planned well it seems. she didnt expect all of us to be there. she end up in tears of joy. the whole day was a blast. cartwheelin in Cineleisure till the guard shoo's us off. :P
imma miss her!!!