Split Hearts

well this feelings shall last

from the myth of my future

to the brights of the past

lay down, collide with nature

felt too easy to love

but too hard to get out of it all

im in split ends

which road shall i take again

though i chose this path

them at the other end

would just look through me

im wind, only feel

but not to recognize 

not to be loved with

not to to be cared

in degrees

incontrol of myself

loving thee

Classes i want to take

figure skating, balleT, piano, ballroom, theater, diving, shooting, baking, cooking, GRAMMAR(lol)

in the Blues

tell me about colour, nobody has, where has alphabets come from? ive always wondered what my favourite colour is, was, still. no brilliant idea at all. yellow? but most of my things are in white.. so white? huh issit? nono, its 1 am... what should i post abt?

..

clueless, panic, mysterious..

oh today

lives are which just to whom they realise

meaningless

so living a life with people around
thinking when will my vows be coming down
these tiring long lasting hard works
when might they end
will they ever find the dead end
i suppose i still need to take the adventure
responsibilities ?
i guess.
but what that i need
is to get myself back
able to smile someday
wake up and be happy all day
i know problems always knocking on my door
i know they will eventually make me
a person i might hate
a person i might love
who knows.

but generally
nobody seem to understand
they that i cant comprehend
the thought seems so silly now
who am i to be compared
not even to stare
and i lie on my bed
laughing at myself
looking at my own
why did i write this down
the meaningless
but though all the nags
i still lay a hope on one simple fact
maybe one day i'll have my chance
i will have my chance?
who knew.

Emergency Call

the pain started from center, the fire spreads, to my icy toes, with the same they still refused to melt, they stood cold with the blazing runners fought. they spread to my fingers with numb as such my fingers curls in and i felt as though someone had cut my nerves that connects to them, i couldnt feel them any longer. they were trying to calm me down, praying in front of me, but with the pain still in me i couldnt hear anything. my senses were excepted from everything. i kept on praying, started with slowly, but Hurt forced me to shout my prayers. and i felt i was on air, floating, brought me to a couchy surface, the car. someone had carried me. i heard someone quarelling, sounds similar of busy buses and trains. hate flooded my thought as i realised i'm creating Chaos. if only Zeus was around to fight Chaos away. 

i was brought to a bright room, vision a blur, pain slowly dodging away from me. very slowly. and i was finally in sight. and the first person i saw was a good looking doctor. might be gay. definitely not local. i giggled silently inside and force myself to frown to contract in the smile. 

and the next minute, i felt something uncomfortable in me, on my left hand. i looked at it and tried to bring my left to my sight. thus the pain, vital screamed of high soprano, that pain on that one spot, oh.. aye needle. and later, a nurse said she had to check my heart. suddenly in my head i scribbled a poem on my brain like a darting arrow. 

"let thy nurse rip my heart open

just for you to see my love 

now have a thought for the proven

go back to your realm 

go back to the hospital

o stupid dove."

the nurse asked me to bare my chest to her, oh right the cardio check, the second time ive flared my bosoms to a stranger. well at the very least not like my friend who has seen me, as in seen ME.   she placed calippers at both of wrist, ankles and joy, of course, thy bosom. 

the earlier gay doc changed shifts, the next doc looks similar, but i guess we should cut out the gay part. he looks more calmed. but ... all the Goddesses of joy may you laugh, for the next doc stabbed me again with that Chaostic needle and took my golden blood away from me. there goes. stabbed, left and right. 

after a while the doc came again and asked if i fell and hit my uterus whether if its few days, weeks, months ago. i just shooked my head in disagreement. and i started to worry if theres anything happened, i called the trainee and asked her if theres something wrong, seriously i was about to think that for the day i have been fated like Mary who had a son without a father but to it only applies for abortion problem for i felt the pain at the uterus. eventually the trainee silenced my ridiculous imaginations when she said a few words of harmony.

as i waited for my mother having her breakfast, i saw a familiar man, he was looking around in the room not knowing where neither whom he was in need for. suddenly his sight falls on me and he had that look as though hey-this-pale-girl-looks-familiar. at the same time i received that look i knew right away who the man was. my uncle. he greeted me and asked how i was doing and i told him my current condition. it seemed to have eased him because he said "well relax and take care." and he went off, almost running as though chasing something. he was wearing the hospital identification card dangling down his neck, so i figured he's one of the staff and had to get back to work. i felt sheepishly calmed and a little drop of happy melon as to fact that i had a relative came by. 

after a while the doc checked, pressed my belly to see my reactions to it and i didnt feel a necessary pain. so then, i was free to go. and then i head home, said thank yous in myself towards the hospital. and with hope to never return again. and black ink splattered across this silent hope as i remembered an appointment with my signus doctor next month. -.-"