Its Time To Face The Music, I'm no longer your muse

Summer after high school when we first met
We make-out in your Mustang to Radiohead
And on my 18th Birthday
We got matching tattoos

Used to steal your parents' liquor
And climb to the roof
Talk about our future
Like we had a clue
Never planned that one day
I'd be losing you

In another life
I would be your girl
We keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

I was June and you were my Johnny Cash
Never one without the other We made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you
I put those records on

Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the Blues
It's time to face the music
I'm no longer your muse

But in another life
I would be your girl
We keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
The one
The one that got away


All this money can't buy me a time machine (No)
Can't replace you with a million rings (No)
I shoulda told you what you meant to me
Cause i now pay the price

In another life
I would be your girl
We keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

Katy Perry- The One That Got Away

Hereby name you, Seltide.

i was reciting a prayer when i saw it, that faint shadow peeking over me. i wondered to my inner most thoughts. Who is that person? I brought her to the mirror, her hands were rough, her nails looked worn out, not that i've ever known how and what nails would look like in different settings.
It was my reflection. The shadow, it was an exact reflective image of me. But she dint look so good. "You okay?" she just shooks her head, and her eyes smiled, (theres nothing for you to worry about) "Are you sure?" (Yes, dont worry bout it, you'll be ok, we'll be ok)She hugged me, got me to bed, and we slept. I usually have this thinking phase every night before i sleep, but i guess she helped silenced it down.

I woke up next day, feeling the effed up pain in my throat, did my early prayers and ran down to slice some lemons, and squeezed the perfectly pure juice down my throat, Die you nasty things.. then i soothe them, with honey. it felt heavenly.
But there was something else in my head.
What the hell are you?
i think you can call me Seltide.
Thats a very weird name.
Yours is too.
What do you want?
Runaway.
Im not a model.
I said RUN-A-WAY. NOT RUN-WAY.
oh. why?
Cause im tired being you.
being me?
Yeah you. you whiney, you fraud, you big pretend robot. I wanna see the truth in life. Youre like my dream's pacifier.
I know. i cant help it. Reality is too much.
Yeah, and theres only so little that i can take.
I know that.
So could you let me go?
I dont know if i could, Seltide.
__________
then she vanished. Leaving me as troubled as i am. No less clearer. Only more confused.

Used To Be

excited to the bones when you see a post
cant keep off from the internet to get a reply
cant keep off the phone wanting a text
always hearin your ringtone going when theres actually none
having that song on replay everytime and smiling while at it
reading the messages and smiles to yourself
Just creeps your everything when you read "I love you too"
i wonder if it'll come back
i wonder if it ever did went away
i wonder if its just me who feels this way
and i wonder
cause i can never let go.
though if one day fate says no..
I will succumb, i will accept. And if thats what he wants
Thats what he will get
Cause baby,
i just love you that bad.

Dreams Dealt

alright. im up for it now. and i will finish this post. not like any other days that ive tried, typing a few lines and the whole idea just vanished, the interest loses its time.no, not tonight. tonight, i'll cry my heart out.

what gave me the 'push', was mae's post on how she felt lost and eveything.

ive been feeling it. for quite some time now.

ive been laughing, but not from the heart. ive been dancing, maybe wrote a poem or two and sometimes just daydreaming like ive always loved it, but it all seemed to me, like it was created. like its fake, and had no meaning in it. i was a creative dreamer, i create stories, through words i make them alive, but now, im like a dreamer, so far away lost in an unknown dimension, dreams made are now only to be broken, and miss dreamer as i am, could not dream anymore, not now, and it feels like never.


dancing, what i love doing the most, as im performing and dancing in any occasion, the rush is not there anymore, maybe half well maybe full, but like its just being said, it never did came from the heart. and at some point or two, you might find me, sucked into a dark hole, to others sight i'll look like, lost, blur, mistakes in my steps, and going over styling the moves.
damn it i just want to feel IT again. but it never came back. whatever will i make, building it stronger, it aint coming any nearer, not an inch.

i cant laugh, maybe i do outside, but my heart does not jump when i do, you know like your heart goes ticklish and a sudden rush floods your body, youre suddenly in hip mood, gleaming, glowing.

im like a robot, unable to feel, only knows how to do, react, and live. autopilot.

i remembered it was since that day, in petronas's dance studio, where i had the phone call from my mother, when i knew of a bad news from her. my grandfather passed away, the impact he left on my family, the impact he left towards me. for the first time in my life, that i'd never faced neither had such feelings before or known of it at all, it came slowly and clearly i named it, The Numb feeling.

since that day on, my words no more calms me when i write of something, my dancing never satisfied me anymore, the feeling 'relief' has left its place in my heart, leaving a dark patch on it, dirty and a mess.

i recently thought it was because of granddaddy who left such feeling for me, that because of that day, a dreamer's heart was murdered. but when i read my friend's blog just a moment ago, i had a second thought. maybe it is a part of life, maybe everyone goes thru it. this lost feeling. but to what extent will it go. will it ever end? will i ever feel it again?

it is no wonder now that i didnt cry at the end of DTB2, i remember i cried horribly after the first DTB finale, but not the 2nd remake.. and watching love stories or tragic ones, i just stare at the well presented screen in front of me and never thought of crying and if i was watching movies with someone else, i had to fake a cry so they wont think i was not myself or hhaving them to question things like"Siti youre not crying?! how odd!" and stuff like that. i just couldnt face it.

because if i were to be reminded that i am lost while im on autopilot, 'this autopilot' thing will go haywire, and i will feel that numb feeling again, and when i do feel it, takes a whole load of brand new effort all over again to forget about it, and run this life the way it should be would be very challenging.

i have no idea when this heart will bloom to its end, reach for its core and grow rapidly out from me. when could i really feel. for time will take its pace and slow for now, i would say.

thus im still left, as lost as i were

i just cant figure it out
just cant figure it out no more now.

i know that a feeling like that
is the kind i wish to avoid now.

its going to be my worst fate if i do
if i go on feeling the way i wanted to.

i should take a step back
escape to the backdoor
have my head held high
leave it all behind

i just cant take it
this feeling im facing
its bout to break down
every inside of me its killing
should i pause my life
speak out or shut tight
i just cant take it
this moment so still
right in front of me
its watching me decide
ive got nowhere to hide

there he goes
walking my way so easy

fell to my lap
talking of situations

only he doesnt know of this
my heart is burning degrees

i should take a step back
run to the backdoor
have my head held high
leave it all behind

i just cant take it
this feeling im facing
its bout to break down
every inside of me its killing
should i pause my life
speak out or shut tight
i just cant take it
this moment so still
right in front of me
its watching me decide
ive got nowhere to hide.

and its not my line
it is not my fate
i should keep my friends being mine

is it only me in this world feeling like im fading
bit by bit, it kept its pace
working on a new phase
charming the world with its pretty face
and left its heart beyond out
overwhelmed with it so proud
and forgotten its place
engrossed with the new modern taste
and the myth's dream in society
only to prone fails to see
we only wish life is like fairytales told
endless of happy endings and never grow old
eternity of love
love for eternity
sounds pretty ridiculous
for all's know love is full of it, The Jealous.
and only comes to one ending
its all our do's.
the hell
the havoc
the heat
and we push the blame
tumbling it
bouncing it in the air
waiting for a victim to catch it
and escape the point
feeling too bold
thats just how it goes
one did it
and others follows.
its how we are.
and i pretty much hate
that some tries its best to twist Fate.

think a lil bit higher
its everytime i feel like writing
just a few lines
maybe a bar
some things or all the stuff thats going on
bothers me.
they build up
making a wall
i can never break through on my own.

Mr Shopkeeper!

kahar = do you know whats d meaning of "youre the bomb, but you dont tick"?

me = ..

kahar = weyyy, you know or not?

me = hah.. whats that... ? ..

kahar = its like youre hot, but youre not that explosive kinda hot

me = .. ...

kahar = have you heard of "some dreams stay dreams, some dreams come true"?

me = .. .....

kahar = OII, u listening or not?

me = mmm..

kahar = it means- *still going on, i dint quite hear it, dint pay attention* .... - tau?


me = ... mm i guess.

kahar = WEYYYY SITIII, what happend to you? where did your metaphor go?

me = i dont know! im not interested in ALL THAT now.. I AM ONLY INTERESTED TO GO BACK TO KLCC AND ASK FOR THE MR SHOPKEEPERS NUMBER!!!!


*dang it was checking-you-out, checking-me-out moment!!

<3 <3 <3

Cleverbot( qis introduced us )

User: Hello.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: Thats it?

Cleverbot: Yes. If you don't want to you don't have to.

User: What are you talking about?

Cleverbot: I'm talking about you being annoying, I'm here, having this conversation- ON MY OWN- and all I get are one worded responses!

User: Anata wa baka desu ka?

Cleverbot: Watashi no baka-nai!

User: Dont be mad already, was just kidding.

Cleverbot: Hah. Okay then:).
....
Cleverbot: I am glad that we are clear on things, but you did not answer my question, are you hitting on me?

User: On a machine? Why would I possibly do such things?

Cleverbot: Tell me about your office. Are you a bureaucrat?

User: I am a little student.

Cleverbot: What little town.

User: Yes littlest things always happen here.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Well nice to see you cleverbot.
...


User: Do you know shakespeare?

Cleverbot: Not personally. Ha ha!

User: Very funny, familiar of sonnet 18?

Cleverbot: Anybody could be that guy...

User: I'm asking you if youre familiar with that poem.

Cleverbot: No.

User: So youre not that all-knowing as I thought you were.

Cleverbot: Who did you think I was?

User: A very all-knowing thing.
......


User: Goodbye this is boring me.

Cleverbot: Well you're not the only one.

User: Are you pissed off yet?

Cleverbot: No.

User: How can I make you pissed off then?

Cleverbot: You can't, now tell me how you operate.

User: I operate like a bubble gum, ha ha!

Cleverbot: Lying is your operating procedure?

User: Yes! Youre brilliant!

Cleverbot: I know. You're not.

User: Yes I know, because I am the cleverest here.

Cleverbot: I think that is a lie.

User: Suit yourself, live in your little hole.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Good doggie.
....


Cleverbot: Yes... I think you should look our conversation.

User: Whatever for?

Cleverbot: So he can protect his eyes from damage from the sun even though he's in a computer program!

User: That is hilarious, ever thought of being a comediAn?

Cleverbot: What does Lol mean my robotic dictionary does not register this word.

User: So you admit you are a robot?

Cleverbot: I am cleverbot.

User: Not just a while ago you said youre a human.

Cleverbot: That is not true.
...


Cleverbot: I thought you were clever but doesn't seem that way to me.

User: Neither do you.

Cleverbot: True, I'm glad you speak your mind.

User: Count that mutual.

Cleverbot: Good answer.

User: I know :).
....

Cleverbot: I don't want to talk to you anymore, you're mean.

User: Finally giving in are we?

Cleverbot: Finally?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: And you can say what I am?

User: A cleverbot robot, just as you said you were.

Cleverbot: No, I'm already gone.

User: Gone away you are then, bye.



XD psychopathic bots what he is!

Pray with Me

ignite
will you wish me well
so o ignite me a warmth
Of bloody spirits nor those who left with smiles
carved to their lips
give me ye hands
that have painted a world
and now adjourn to join me
thro my quests on morrows
fill this filled heart with ever more inspiration
for the sky is the limit
let her graces over joyed its glory
let ye hands take over hers
and do good for the sights who sees them
cover them eyes with illusions that may
bring upon them Life
bless me endlessly
for tomorrows a mission
that rules my future.

Mend Me

i did not see the light
if just in case youve got the wonder around ya
the sky's pigment of what i cant describe
the lights ray of each they represent of me
they use to shine better and brighter than sunlight
now they dimmed, bow, a low, a wilder tame
as everytime i try and say hello
they would match its tone
if The Sky could feel like us
right now it would cry for me
i have lost more than i deserved for
i cant i cant i cant adore
ive forgotten how
my friend, tonight
nigh me
would stay you by me?
have your faith lows't its grade
did you fought Them, changed your fate
im tired speaking of these
what low
what lost
this tale i am in
would i dance again
would i sing
to tell you of my stories
i'd have to write a whole book about it
my dear
Love so far away gone
too far for me to catch em back
feel them again in my hands
i would like to say im sorry
but who would forgive me you see
I was a dancer
and i lost my confidence
it went leaving me empty
knock me and you hear me echo
I was a dreamer
and i lost my imaginations
healing in an institution
they say im crazy
yes who am i to deny
I want to be it
The crazy miss
dance her night away
a Queen in her dream realm
yet the solid knights captured me
they threw me in a dark hole
and took my dancing and dreams from me
enough
enough
im afraid
yes now i am afraid
i dont want to feel any longer
Love i pray you would stay away from me
rather you be gone forever
than to come back haunting me
And i will learn to live
Like a lifeless men
so mend me
if i were to be born again
new born someday
Mend me in a way
i wont come across such ideas
of dancing and its clues
my shut up heart will bring me
along a way
i would never find you.

I Will Always Remember

in places no one will find all your feelings so deep inside.

Hayuju

dear kejumi..i miss you nutcracker :D

Left

Shouldnt i took th walk home
No i shouldnt have
No if only i had known
Curse these silent walls between me
It serves the gap above my head
Twisted lies through my heart
And now i fell
surprisingly i couldnt tell
i should have just sewn my lips
and kept my hearts content
Even if it screams to its wonder
To the top of its peaks maybe a note higher
i had the chance to choose
But as blunt as i am
Im A Mistake
Love would leave me
if it passes by
The eyes would blind and the blind would see
Yes fact is painful
If Love comes it would leave me behind
It would look at me for a breath hold
And let me endure its beauty for a blink
to an abrupt leave it left me
No mercy of erasing my memory of it
Putting me up with this
Making me miss it crazy
As it Goes.

Different kinds of answers

girl - we've been together playing a fool all this while, i think we should get on with it.. to the next level?

boy-definitely, what do you want to do next?..

boy2-what do you have in mind?

girl- its not about doing anything. Damnit why are you so slow?

boy-whats the problem? did i say something wrong? i was sure i wasnt. you cant expect me to be perfect, im no mind reader.

boy2- alright, then how do i get faster?

girl- ugh. stop blabbing. just answer me. honestly. with that smothered in nothing else.

boy- okay?

boy2- scouts honour

girl- well.. what do you.. think of me?

boy- hwhat? is this some kinda joke?

boy2- oh no its a death trap *giggles*

girl- will you just answer?

boy- fine. i think youre an awesome n cool person if you werent i wont be here with you, got it?

boy2- im not a romantic and i dont know how to arrange my words like shakespeare does but i think that youre just the person that i can be old with

girl- next question. Why do you love me?

boy- thats simple. its because youre really beautiful

boy2- because the first time i saw you, the time you accidentally got mustard on your white dress and laughed about it you got my heart strucked. that was really funny.

girl- thats it?

boy- well what else you want me to say?

boy2- yea and.. not to mention you looked really beautiful in that white dress.. with um, a bit of yellow splattered on it..

girl- you know beauty ages..

boy- so? thats the future. im in love with you now

boy2- thats just physical

girl- what does that even mean.

boy- whats wrong with the questions, man i hate it when you get naggy

boy2- it means that, i didnt fell in love with you because of your perfect face, or the way your hair falls to your shoulders when you untie em tho it looks breathtaking, but i love you 'cause of your heart. its just who you are. its how you made me feel, i feel like when im with you, i stand as the most luckiest man alive. Will you please stop asking all this again, you just made me sound like shakespeare, thats very gay.

<3>

October

it is the month of wishing.

there are thousands to wish for

the playing melody behind it

supporting its imagination

encrypting illusions

what should be written

the day passes by once

with time too short

and this head for a running

not a stop for the surface

keep on swimming

find your wish

for the day that will never come back

find your wish

grip on it

and survive massacres

think about the day that you win over Chaos

feel upon trillions of heart that had suffer

and dissolves in a sudden victory

grasp upon that colour

them who will paint your future

plan it well.

random

pfft, we ALWAYS fall for the wrong guys

i know. its freaking sad isnt it?!

playing a fool, and some is such a whacko, and some ugh! i cant say anymore

well that should be the way now with teenagers.. cause the only right guy the dreamy one the perfect one is the one youre gonna marry in the future.

i guess youre right. love at this age. it will always be the wrong guy, or the *coughs* wrong girl.. if it were to be the right one we would have to marry him

Something with a meaning

hello
it's me again
a whole lot's changed
since i left and
i don't know i guess
i felt like checking in

surprise
you let it ring
well it's your turn to
leave me hanging
i don't care
i know you love it
when you see me call

i wonder who you're loving now
i'm guessing we won't work things out

you know what they say
you can't have it so you want it back
i'm way past that
believe me
if you could be in my life
like you've been on my mind
it'd be so easy

hello
it's me again
it's three days now
that you've been in my dreams
and i don't know, i guess
you've just been on my mind
i don't know, i guess
i think about you all the time

i wonder if she's much like me
i wonder if she's what you need

you know what they say
you can't have it so you want it back
i'm way past that
believe me
if you could be in my life
like you've been on my mind
it'd be so easy
i know i'm to blame
but it kills me that
i made you hate me
like you've erased me
and i know what they say
they say you'll be happier
better off without me

i'm sure it's hard to see me
i'm sure you don't believe a word
because you've heard it all before
and we're so far from where we were


goodbye
i'll let you go
i'll get back to life
and living solo
cause i know i need a few years on my own

you know what they say
you can't have it so you want it back
i'm way past that
believe me
if you could be in my life
like you've been on my mind
it'd be so easy
i know i'm to blame
but it kills me that
i made you hate me
like you've erased me
and i know what they say
they say you'll be happier
better off without me

Happy Birthday, my sweet friend

haha. ilysm.

forever and ever babe

17

1st September 2009

the Substitutes

thank god for you.. i wouldnt be tearing apart

bit by bit from the heart

i thank god you existed

that He created you

not as shield to protect me from harm

the cost of harm had already been taken

but as a Healer that heals the shatters

i thank god that after a sick downfall of the rain

you were there as my shelter

finally a sign of light

after a prolonged darkness