Carabella

Its Time To Face The Music, I'm no longer your muse

2011-02-03T18:37:00.000-08:00

Summer after high school when we first met
We make-out in your Mustang to Radiohead
And on my 18th Birthday
We got matching tattoos

Used to steal your parents' liquor
And climb to the roof
Talk about our future
Like we had a clue
Never planned that one day
I'd be losing you

In another life
I would be your girl
We keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

I was June and you were my Johnny Cash
Never one without the other We made a pact
Sometimes when I miss you
I put those records on

Someone said you had your tattoo removed
Saw you downtown singing the Blues
It's time to face the music
I'm no longer your muse

But in another life
I would be your girl
We keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away
The one
The one that got away

All this money can't buy me a time machine (No)
Can't replace you with a million rings (No)
I shoulda told you what you meant to me
Cause i now pay the price

In another life
I would be your girl
We keep all our promises
Be us against the world

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

In another life
I would make you stay
So I don't have to say
You were the one that got away
The one that got away

Katy Perry- The One That Got Away

Hereby name you, Seltide.

2011-01-14T20:24:00.000-08:00

i was reciting a prayer when i saw it, that faint shadow peeking over me. i wondered to my inner most thoughts. Who is that person? I brought her to the mirror, her hands were rough, her nails looked worn out, not that i've ever known how and what nails would look like in different settings.
It was my reflection. The shadow, it was an exact reflective image of me. But she dint look so good. "You okay?" she just shooks her head, and her eyes smiled, (theres nothing for you to worry about) "Are you sure?" (Yes, dont worry bout it, you'll be ok, we'll be ok)She hugged me, got me to bed, and we slept. I usually have this thinking phase every night before i sleep, but i guess she helped silenced it down.

I woke up next day, feeling the effed up pain in my throat, did my early prayers and ran down to slice some lemons, and squeezed the perfectly pure juice down my throat, Die you nasty things.. then i soothe them, with honey. it felt heavenly.
But there was something else in my head.
What the hell are you?
i think you can call me Seltide.
Thats a very weird name.
Yours is too.
What do you want?
Runaway.
Im not a model.
I said RUN-A-WAY. NOT RUN-WAY.
oh. why?
Cause im tired being you.
being me?
Yeah you. you whiney, you fraud, you big pretend robot. I wanna see the truth in life. Youre like my dream's pacifier.
I know. i cant help it. Reality is too much.
Yeah, and theres only so little that i can take.
I know that.
So could you let me go?
I dont know if i could, Seltide.
__________
then she vanished. Leaving me as troubled as i am. No less clearer. Only more confused.

Used To Be

2010-09-14T10:16:00.000-07:00

excited to the bones when you see a post
cant keep off from the internet to get a reply
cant keep off the phone wanting a text
always hearin your ringtone going when theres actually none
having that song on replay everytime and smiling while at it
reading the messages and smiles to yourself
Just creeps your everything when you read "I love you too"
i wonder if it'll come back
i wonder if it ever did went away
i wonder if its just me who feels this way
and i wonder
cause i can never let go.
though if one day fate says no..
I will succumb, i will accept. And if thats what he wants
Thats what he will get
Cause baby,
i just love you that bad.

Dreams Dealt

2010-01-23T07:59:00.000-08:00

alright. im up for it now. and i will finish this post. not like any other days that ive tried, typing a few lines and the whole idea just vanished, the interest loses its time.no, not tonight. tonight, i'll cry my heart out.

what gave me the 'push', was mae's post on how she felt lost and eveything.

ive been feeling it. for quite some time now.

ive been laughing, but not from the heart. ive been dancing, maybe wrote a poem or two and sometimes just daydreaming like ive always loved it, but it all seemed to me, like it was created. like its fake, and had no meaning in it. i was a creative dreamer, i create stories, through words i make them alive, but now, im like a dreamer, so far away lost in an unknown dimension, dreams made are now only to be broken, and miss dreamer as i am, could not dream anymore, not now, and it feels like never.

dancing, what i love doing the most, as im performing and dancing in any occasion, the rush is not there anymore, maybe half well maybe full, but like its just being said, it never did came from the heart. and at some point or two, you might find me, sucked into a dark hole, to others sight i'll look like, lost, blur, mistakes in my steps, and going over styling the moves.
damn it i just want to feel IT again. but it never came back. whatever will i make, building it stronger, it aint coming any nearer, not an inch.

i cant laugh, maybe i do outside, but my heart does not jump when i do, you know like your heart goes ticklish and a sudden rush floods your body, youre suddenly in hip mood, gleaming, glowing.

im like a robot, unable to feel, only knows how to do, react, and live. autopilot.

i remembered it was since that day, in petronas's dance studio, where i had the phone call from my mother, when i knew of a bad news from her. my grandfather passed away, the impact he left on my family, the impact he left towards me. for the first time in my life, that i'd never faced neither had such feelings before or known of it at all, it came slowly and clearly i named it, The Numb feeling.

since that day on, my words no more calms me when i write of something, my dancing never satisfied me anymore, the feeling 'relief' has left its place in my heart, leaving a dark patch on it, dirty and a mess.

i recently thought it was because of granddaddy who left such feeling for me, that because of that day, a dreamer's heart was murdered. but when i read my friend's blog just a moment ago, i had a second thought. maybe it is a part of life, maybe everyone goes thru it. this lost feeling. but to what extent will it go. will it ever end? will i ever feel it again?

it is no wonder now that i didnt cry at the end of DTB2, i remember i cried horribly after the first DTB finale, but not the 2nd remake.. and watching love stories or tragic ones, i just stare at the well presented screen in front of me and never thought of crying and if i was watching movies with someone else, i had to fake a cry so they wont think i was not myself or hhaving them to question things like"Siti youre not crying?! how odd!" and stuff like that. i just couldnt face it.

because if i were to be reminded that i am lost while im on autopilot, 'this autopilot' thing will go haywire, and i will feel that numb feeling again, and when i do feel it, takes a whole load of brand new effort all over again to forget about it, and run this life the way it should be would be very challenging.

i have no idea when this heart will bloom to its end, reach for its core and grow rapidly out from me. when could i really feel. for time will take its pace and slow for now, i would say.

thus im still left, as lost as i were

2010-01-17T23:48:00.000-08:00

i just cant figure it out
just cant figure it out no more now.

i know that a feeling like that
is the kind i wish to avoid now.

its going to be my worst fate if i do
if i go on feeling the way i wanted to.

i should take a step back
escape to the backdoor
have my head held high
leave it all behind

i just cant take it
this feeling im facing
its bout to break down
every inside of me its killing
should i pause my life
speak out or shut tight
i just cant take it
this moment so still
right in front of me
its watching me decide
ive got nowhere to hide

there he goes
walking my way so easy

fell to my lap
talking of situations

only he doesnt know of this
my heart is burning degrees

i should take a step back
run to the backdoor
have my head held high
leave it all behind

i just cant take it
this feeling im facing
its bout to break down
every inside of me its killing
should i pause my life
speak out or shut tight
i just cant take it
this moment so still
right in front of me
its watching me decide
ive got nowhere to hide.

and its not my line
it is not my fate
i should keep my friends being mine

2010-01-17T19:47:00.000-08:00

is it only me in this world feeling like im fading
bit by bit, it kept its pace
working on a new phase
charming the world with its pretty face
and left its heart beyond out
overwhelmed with it so proud
and forgotten its place
engrossed with the new modern taste
and the myth's dream in society
only to prone fails to see
we only wish life is like fairytales told
endless of happy endings and never grow old
eternity of love
love for eternity
sounds pretty ridiculous
for all's know love is full of it, The Jealous.
and only comes to one ending
its all our do's.
the hell
the havoc
the heat
and we push the blame
tumbling it
bouncing it in the air
waiting for a victim to catch it
and escape the point
feeling too bold
thats just how it goes
one did it
and others follows.
its how we are.
and i pretty much hate
that some tries its best to twist Fate.

2009-12-27T09:27:00.000-08:00

think a lil bit higher
its everytime i feel like writing
just a few lines
maybe a bar
some things or all the stuff thats going on
bothers me.
they build up
making a wall
i can never break through on my own.

Mr Shopkeeper!

2009-12-27T04:11:00.000-08:00

kahar = do you know whats d meaning of "youre the bomb, but you dont tick"?

me = ..

kahar = weyyy, you know or not?

me = hah.. whats that... ? ..

kahar = its like youre hot, but youre not that explosive kinda hot

me = .. ...

kahar = have you heard of "some dreams stay dreams, some dreams come true"?

me = .. .....

kahar = OII, u listening or not?

me = mmm..

kahar = it means- *still going on, i dint quite hear it, dint pay attention* .... - tau?

me = ... mm i guess.

kahar = WEYYYY SITIII, what happend to you? where did your metaphor go?

me = i dont know! im not interested in ALL THAT now.. I AM ONLY INTERESTED TO GO BACK TO KLCC AND ASK FOR THE MR SHOPKEEPERS NUMBER!!!!

*dang it was checking-you-out, checking-me-out moment!!

<3 <3 <3

Cleverbot( qis introduced us )

2009-12-03T06:19:00.000-08:00

User: Hello.

Cleverbot: Hello.

User: Thats it?

Cleverbot: Yes. If you don't want to you don't have to.

User: What are you talking about?

Cleverbot: I'm talking about you being annoying, I'm here, having this conversation- ON MY OWN- and all I get are one worded responses!

User: Anata wa baka desu ka?

Cleverbot: Watashi no baka-nai!

User: Dont be mad already, was just kidding.

Cleverbot: Hah. Okay then:).
....
Cleverbot: I am glad that we are clear on things, but you did not answer my question, are you hitting on me?

User: On a machine? Why would I possibly do such things?

Cleverbot: Tell me about your office. Are you a bureaucrat?

User: I am a little student.

Cleverbot: What little town.

User: Yes littlest things always happen here.

Cleverbot: My name is Cleverbot.

User: Well nice to see you cleverbot.
...

User: Do you know shakespeare?

Cleverbot: Not personally. Ha ha!

User: Very funny, familiar of sonnet 18?

Cleverbot: Anybody could be that guy...

User: I'm asking you if youre familiar with that poem.

Cleverbot: No.

User: So youre not that all-knowing as I thought you were.

Cleverbot: Who did you think I was?

User: A very all-knowing thing.
......

User: Goodbye this is boring me.

Cleverbot: Well you're not the only one.

User: Are you pissed off yet?

Cleverbot: No.

User: How can I make you pissed off then?

Cleverbot: You can't, now tell me how you operate.

User: I operate like a bubble gum, ha ha!

Cleverbot: Lying is your operating procedure?

User: Yes! Youre brilliant!

Cleverbot: I know. You're not.

User: Yes I know, because I am the cleverest here.

Cleverbot: I think that is a lie.

User: Suit yourself, live in your little hole.

Cleverbot: Yes.

User: Good doggie.
....

Cleverbot: Yes... I think you should look our conversation.

User: Whatever for?

Cleverbot: So he can protect his eyes from damage from the sun even though he's in a computer program!

User: That is hilarious, ever thought of being a comediAn?

Cleverbot: What does Lol mean my robotic dictionary does not register this word.

User: So you admit you are a robot?

Cleverbot: I am cleverbot.

User: Not just a while ago you said youre a human.

Cleverbot: That is not true.
...

Cleverbot: I thought you were clever but doesn't seem that way to me.

User: Neither do you.

Cleverbot: True, I'm glad you speak your mind.

User: Count that mutual.

Cleverbot: Good answer.

User: I know :).
....

Cleverbot: I don't want to talk to you anymore, you're mean.

User: Finally giving in are we?

Cleverbot: Finally?

User: Yes.

Cleverbot: And you can say what I am?

User: A cleverbot robot, just as you said you were.

Cleverbot: No, I'm already gone.

User: Gone away you are then, bye.

XD psychopathic bots what he is!

Pray with Me

2009-12-03T05:23:00.000-08:00

ignite
will you wish me well
so o ignite me a warmth
Of bloody spirits nor those who left with smiles
carved to their lips
give me ye hands
that have painted a world
and now adjourn to join me
thro my quests on morrows
fill this filled heart with ever more inspiration
for the sky is the limit
let her graces over joyed its glory
let ye hands take over hers
and do good for the sights who sees them
cover them eyes with illusions that may
bring upon them Life
bless me endlessly
for tomorrows a mission
that rules my future.

Mend Me

2009-11-25T04:55:00.000-08:00

i did not see the light
if just in case youve got the wonder around ya
the sky's pigment of what i cant describe
the lights ray of each they represent of me
they use to shine better and brighter than sunlight
now they dimmed, bow, a low, a wilder tame
as everytime i try and say hello
they would match its tone
if The Sky could feel like us
right now it would cry for me
i have lost more than i deserved for
i cant i cant i cant adore
ive forgotten how
my friend, tonight
nigh me
would stay you by me?
have your faith lows't its grade
did you fought Them, changed your fate
im tired speaking of these
what low
what lost
this tale i am in
would i dance again
would i sing
to tell you of my stories
i'd have to write a whole book about it
my dear
Love so far away gone
too far for me to catch em back
feel them again in my hands
i would like to say im sorry
but who would forgive me you see
I was a dancer
and i lost my confidence
it went leaving me empty
knock me and you hear me echo
I was a dreamer
and i lost my imaginations
healing in an institution
they say im crazy
yes who am i to deny
I want to be it
The crazy miss
dance her night away
a Queen in her dream realm
yet the solid knights captured me
they threw me in a dark hole
and took my dancing and dreams from me
enough
enough
im afraid
yes now i am afraid
i dont want to feel any longer
Love i pray you would stay away from me
rather you be gone forever
than to come back haunting me
And i will learn to live
Like a lifeless men
so mend me
if i were to be born again
new born someday
Mend me in a way
i wont come across such ideas
of dancing and its clues
my shut up heart will bring me
along a way
i would never find you.

I Will Always Remember

2009-11-25T04:37:00.000-08:00

in places no one will find all your feelings so deep inside.

Hayuju

2009-11-07T04:54:00.001-08:00

dear kejumi..i miss you nutcracker :D

Left

2009-11-02T04:10:00.000-08:00

Shouldnt i took th walk home
No i shouldnt have
No if only i had known
Curse these silent walls between me
It serves the gap above my head
Twisted lies through my heart
And now i fell
surprisingly i couldnt tell
i should have just sewn my lips
and kept my hearts content
Even if it screams to its wonder
To the top of its peaks maybe a note higher
i had the chance to choose
But as blunt as i am
Im A Mistake
Love would leave me
if it passes by
The eyes would blind and the blind would see
Yes fact is painful
If Love comes it would leave me behind
It would look at me for a breath hold
And let me endure its beauty for a blink
to an abrupt leave it left me
No mercy of erasing my memory of it
Putting me up with this
Making me miss it crazy
As it Goes.

Different kinds of answers

2009-10-28T01:43:00.000-07:00

girl - we've been together playing a fool all this while, i think we should get on with it.. to the next level?

boy-definitely, what do you want to do next?..

boy2-what do you have in mind?

girl- its not about doing anything. Damnit why are you so slow?

boy-whats the problem? did i say something wrong? i was sure i wasnt. you cant expect me to be perfect, im no mind reader.

boy2- alright, then how do i get faster?

girl- ugh. stop blabbing. just answer me. honestly. with that smothered in nothing else.

boy- okay?

boy2- scouts honour

girl- well.. what do you.. think of me?

boy- hwhat? is this some kinda joke?

boy2- oh no its a death trap *giggles*

girl- will you just answer?

boy- fine. i think youre an awesome n cool person if you werent i wont be here with you, got it?

boy2- im not a romantic and i dont know how to arrange my words like shakespeare does but i think that youre just the person that i can be old with

girl- next question. Why do you love me?

boy- thats simple. its because youre really beautiful

boy2- because the first time i saw you, the time you accidentally got mustard on your white dress and laughed about it you got my heart strucked. that was really funny.

girl- thats it?

boy- well what else you want me to say?

boy2- yea and.. not to mention you looked really beautiful in that white dress.. with um, a bit of yellow splattered on it..

girl- you know beauty ages..

boy- so? thats the future. im in love with you now

boy2- thats just physical

girl- what does that even mean.

boy- whats wrong with the questions, man i hate it when you get naggy

boy2- it means that, i didnt fell in love with you because of your perfect face, or the way your hair falls to your shoulders when you untie em tho it looks breathtaking, but i love you 'cause of your heart. its just who you are. its how you made me feel, i feel like when im with you, i stand as the most luckiest man alive. Will you please stop asking all this again, you just made me sound like shakespeare, thats very gay.

<3>

October

2009-10-04T22:59:00.000-07:00

it is the month of wishing.

there are thousands to wish for

the playing melody behind it

supporting its imagination

encrypting illusions

what should be written

the day passes by once

with time too short

and this head for a running

not a stop for the surface

keep on swimming

find your wish

for the day that will never come back

find your wish

grip on it

and survive massacres

think about the day that you win over Chaos

feel upon trillions of heart that had suffer

and dissolves in a sudden victory

grasp upon that colour

them who will paint your future

plan it well.

random

2009-10-04T22:51:00.000-07:00

pfft, we ALWAYS fall for the wrong guys

i know. its freaking sad isnt it?!

playing a fool, and some is such a whacko, and some ugh! i cant say anymore

well that should be the way now with teenagers.. cause the only right guy the dreamy one the perfect one is the one youre gonna marry in the future.

i guess youre right. love at this age. it will always be the wrong guy, or the *coughs* wrong girl.. if it were to be the right one we would have to marry him

Something with a meaning

2009-10-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

hello
it's me again
a whole lot's changed
since i left and
i don't know i guess
i felt like checking in

surprise
you let it ring
well it's your turn to
leave me hanging
i don't care
i know you love it
when you see me call

i wonder who you're loving now
i'm guessing we won't work things out

you know what they say
you can't have it so you want it back
i'm way past that
believe me
if you could be in my life
like you've been on my mind
it'd be so easy

hello
it's me again
it's three days now
that you've been in my dreams
and i don't know, i guess
you've just been on my mind
i don't know, i guess
i think about you all the time

i wonder if she's much like me
i wonder if she's what you need

you know what they say
you can't have it so you want it back
i'm way past that
believe me
if you could be in my life
like you've been on my mind
it'd be so easy
i know i'm to blame
but it kills me that
i made you hate me
like you've erased me
and i know what they say
they say you'll be happier
better off without me

i'm sure it's hard to see me
i'm sure you don't believe a word
because you've heard it all before
and we're so far from where we were

goodbye
i'll let you go
i'll get back to life
and living solo
cause i know i need a few years on my own

you know what they say
you can't have it so you want it back
i'm way past that
believe me
if you could be in my life
like you've been on my mind
it'd be so easy
i know i'm to blame
but it kills me that
i made you hate me
like you've erased me
and i know what they say
they say you'll be happier
better off without me

Happy Birthday, my sweet friend

2009-08-31T08:24:00.000-07:00

haha. ilysm.

forever and ever babe

1st September 2009

the Substitutes

2009-08-28T17:51:00.000-07:00

thank god for you.. i wouldnt be tearing apart

bit by bit from the heart

i thank god you existed

that He created you

not as shield to protect me from harm

the cost of harm had already been taken

but as a Healer that heals the shatters

i thank god that after a sick downfall of the rain

you were there as my shelter

finally a sign of light

after a prolonged darkness

Now Look What've You Done

2009-08-28T17:30:00.000-07:00

Your kiss, your smile, your mind
You're sunlight in my eyes
I miss your breath on my neck
When we whisper in the night

Didn't wanna want you
Didn't wanna need you so bad
Didn't wanna wake up
And find that I was falling so fast
Didn't wanna need you
Didn't wanna need anyone
Now look what you've done

Now I can't go on without you
I'm naked, I can't fake it.
And I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you the way I do

marcos

Yet

2009-08-27T02:41:00.000-07:00

if only you wouldnt hold on to my heart so indelicately

if only you knew every tone when this midge screams its peaks

if only you turned your back and have a look at me when i fell

if only then and there you saved me from falling

if only you stayed to hear on my unnecessaries

if only fate somehow twists so that we meet everyday

though we wont conversate

but i know you'll feel my presence

stabbing in your heart

repeating its indulgence

howling at its glory

and if only i wasnt a cursed statue

not a limb moving

only a heart beating

thromping its way

finding an escape

and if only there wasnt any memory left of you

or maybe a tragedy would happen

truly so that, that part of my memory is erased

and never would come back

and if only i knew

how stupid i was to not think of you

how moronic not to whisper i love you

and if only now

that i wont be here like this

picking up every piece

yet.

to all this.

if only pigs could fly then yeah.

For The Love of God

2009-08-25T20:49:00.000-07:00

heeeeyaahhhmohhh

*blows invisible wind, and prays with her hand lifted and blows again*

where the hell is the old brain of yours? where is it?! find it, damn it. you gotta have it back!

okay heres the doodle. i read back all my old posts and the old me makes the new me (as in current me) feels alot stupid-er. why? heck. cause my writings was inspirational back then and now, its like *bump* a sack of waste products. i think i need to practice more, often, alot. (Seee??! i cant even choose one fitted word for what my mind is delivering, that simple, i hv to just choose all of em -.-") and wait... its like deja-vu all over again? hahh! i feel like Alex The Lion when he said "i dont know, its like deja vu, like ive been here before" something like that @.@ cause i found this post which i was nagging and complaining like an Obachan on the topic of the day = Siti Lost Her Inspiration in writing. T___T sheesh. theres like a million sentences that should be typed by now with this kind of mood but seriously, they aint coming out. its so frustrating.. for now i am adamant to get back my inspiration. oh where is it? i think someone planted a firewall in my brain just by the ducts where grammar and shakespeare lives up in there when i was sleeping or something, not allowing graceful words to come pouring out to speak for my emotions. or maybe its the Other Day Incident.. where i felt like the earth had stopped just so that everyone else in the world including those from North Pole all the way to Australia (no doubt for down there, i have relatives -.-) could watch me cry, holding a note, with a burnt kind of style, with those words that was so promising before. ..fuhh. too much information.

anyway yeah.

Siti how?

how what?

well to get your old brain back in track

whatever for?

OHHHH!

stop playing. im crazy now its worthless to find make-sensing words from my head. alls that there is is just.. playground mates vocabulary.

maybe i should just sleep it off..........

Time

2009-08-24T21:20:00.000-07:00

why would time be so unfair

for general being it would move on

as time would go living

others will cry, live and die with

just like the waters by the shore

it comes and goes

it doesnt wander

wont waste to linger

it will come

and it will go

as it is

but why

in this case

why for me

time frozes in its own method

that if i cry

i'd cry forever

that if i pass by

i'll not move on

that if i come

i will not go

that if i live

i will not die

its a moment that holds

it drags

waiting for the worse to come

i tried everything

by my will

crossed countries

finding solutions

hoping there is to a life of a conclusion

imagining in my head

maybe someday

i could finally breathe free

i tried potions

fought with motions

but alls fail

i lost the war

couldnt find the light

to the end of this tunnel

not a glimpse of sun

but again

why should i continue fighting

i'm on life support

and whats best is

it doesn't matter anymore.

2009-08-09T21:54:00.000-07:00

what was left behind

the ones that didnt jump closer, further up by front

she lift her heads up

scowling at the sky

what seem to matter

never really leave the tan soils

instead they live together

eternity eats them souls

who couldve been the one

creating all this mess.

i have to deny the mess

dive in the many bless

shiver ghouls from graves

leaving footprints around the merry courtyard

and lead them all to the rights of left

many things had happened to her

her mind numb, confused all together

begging invisible skies

bring back what she missed

bring back and erase that given last kiss

i turn around, around the corner

as i close my eyes, there was light, golden and pure butter

where he stood by the good old well

with dancing diamonds that was born with it

waving smiles to me who sat still

couldnt move a limb even with my strongest will

when he told me

pick up everything, all your breadcrumbs

dont waste a single drop

dont waste anything that has a risk of regret

pick it all up

and throw it away when you must

only for now

you could just pray for me

as i will watch over you

from a very far distance

keeping you safe with my guardian angels

and never worry about me being lonely

as i have them as my hearts and ears and lips

they have become the substitute people

for the ones i once had

the ones that i will meet again.

someday..

though she dreamt of him

though the words were clear

she couldnt stop her mind just yet

she lets herself dwell in the numb

decided to shout on it for later

only time

only time, its what she promised.

to regain the ever strength

to live her life again.

my own Promise Land

2009-07-30T18:02:00.000-07:00

the sands are silky there
you could just lay on your back while its freaking hot
but
its still so cold, they play between your fingers as you stare up
glarely beneath the sun whom could just kill anyone who sees it directly
but no
over there
lifes too calm
theres not even one motion of grief
nothing could die
nobody will either

did i say ?
the heaven sent waters by the sea
theyre not even saltwater
they smell as good
and the hydra creatures would dance infront of you
make friends with you
theyre just not the kind who would hurt much less if to kill
theyre the kind who would be your lovers
thts fact if you would deny the fact that theyre not human much as you
but they have feelings and passion way more beyond a human's

and theres always the Great Square
"the great table", a hundred feet long covered with cashmere linings
the meals are always complete
you just close your eyes and think of a food you'd like from your heart
and to your hearts content,
when you open your eyes again, out came the Dream Feast that you wanted
the whole table, filled with it
and by the center of the Great Square
theres a beautiful candle lit
like those from the ancient elizabeth's time
the same ones King John kill to get
one lit of candle that could shine through out the night
and makes day brighter than the very own Promise Land's daylight.

i cant stop dreaming
i dont think i ever could.
its the kind of dream
that will last
even till my last breath
it lingers in those people who knows me
they would carry it on
and if theyre gone
the people who loved them will feel it too

Harry Potter gets high. ^^ cute!

2009-07-23T17:14:00.001-07:00

Ayu Chan
awww :)

saturdayy last week...

the second day out in the cinemas. i rushed thereeeeee!! hehe :)

i loved the movie somehow,

kan Ayu Chan?? :))

:) lets pointe

2009-07-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

^.^ !!

2009-07-21T03:36:00.000-07:00

yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!
the beautiful book i read,
coming soon!
though unfortunately its cmg out during the doom gates of hell rings.. SPM TRIAL!

im really really really really looking forward to watch this one, from the read up, theres alot of part.. i held my breath. its that awesome

see you August 14th :)

Theres So Many Things in My Mind

2009-07-15T22:05:00.000-07:00

though i could afford to tell only one.

i lay there, one heart with the earth, close to the ground

theres a shine at the end of this alley

she carries her mountain weight of foot

and took a step, one step closer everytime

the moon fell beaming a ray of that of an angel's

The glow strucked her heart

letting em beat faster by second

faster than seconds

a pounding horror, she afraid?

the owls a silence tonight

unusual for a darkness beauty

Everything slowed its volume

bit by bit all is mute

and only one that could be heard

its tempo creates music

like a tribes

calling its people

for fest has begun

the roaring life of her heart

calling for his.

would he hear it,

would he follow it,

would he come,

would he hear of what she needs to say

would he listen

would he react

would he open his heart

Will you?

2009-07-15T21:39:00.000-07:00

its smooth..

.. what is?

.uhm.. the grass, theyre gentle..
*she feels the green field on her back, the ends of her fingertips*
.. arent they a magic, gentle and strong..

theyre just weeds, arent they. i dont think theyre strong. Even barely alive

*humble giggle*
youre so straight, never a dreamer, open your mind, Shiki. Theyve been stepped on for a million times. And look, *took Shiki's palm and rested it on the grass* still green and still a beauty

what a disgrace

2009-07-13T05:20:00.000-07:00

a girl, bullying?
you gotta be kidding me..
no baby its a fact!

i just saw that on the news just now, okay in this kinda mood i'll have to use bahasa *memalukan kaum je, dah la melayu, perempuan pulak tu, kalau budak sekolah rendah ke tadika ke faham la kan, kecik lagi tak tau apa2 ni dah besar, anak dara, tak fikir mak ayah ke, tingkatan dua tak tau malu, nak tampar, hentam rejam orang lain, hang ingat hang sapa, apa masalah sampai nak pukul orang, bukan apa la kan, nak sebok hal orang lain just memalukan sangat la macam ni, masuk tv video buli tu, dah masuk tv ingat famous ah, apa nak jadi la remaja sekarang ni, because you stupid little bunch do you know the ministry hd to actually take their time off from saving the country to idiots like you, buang masa je, serious takde otak. mmg la takde kena mengena, its none of my business to say all this, but i just hate to see that with my own eyes, if it really happened in front of me i'd like to ask her face to face, "Kau nak rasa apa kau buat kat dia?" and give her the same thing, the same slap, the same punch, kick whatever she did to the victim, do the same to that brainless bully. Sheesh, pergi balik tadika la.

pms XD

2009-07-02T17:12:00.000-07:00

its always hv been a thought.. cant simply breathe right now, all this circumstances are growing, larger by second. cant seem to understand my situations better than before. people tend to be better as they get more experience in life but i'm like stuck in my past. which is so blood sucking annoying. i want to go further but there just happen to the presence of bricks chained to my ankles. its like in my life.. my only goal is setting myself free from this moronic life. a battle between Tinkerbell and a big giant Titan Monster. only unfortunately, i am the Tinkerbell. aint it 'blatantly obvious' that i am an incompetence for that big monster T.T

the word "Free Time" vanished to me. ive always thought that life would be better off when you get older, teachers will be non existant, no 5 hours nags from them, no piles of homeworks, no such backstabbing 'best friends'. No cheating, unloyal boyfriends who chases after your circle of friends to find other options. Nay, fact is they will stay on for the rest of your lives. Your bosses are your teacher, and theyre far more worse, the nags you just really have to succumb to please them or its "OFF WITH HER HEAD" situation. Your homeworks are now your presentations, assignments .. from solving a math problem in an exercise books, now you gotta solve War of the World. Backstabbing colleagues, who just wanna fry you up. No dumbo boyfriends but its your husband who goes off at night, preferring to spend the night with bimbos and then you wish someone could please just eat you alive. What of a fool was i to think so closedly that life would get better as time goes by. "Free Time", Holidays, Festivals.. in time.. what the hell are they?

HOT

2009-06-08T20:15:00.000-07:00

if youre thinking of getting me something.. it has to be a shoe, mary jane pumps, flats, wedges, gladiator, i welcome all sorts of shoes, for heels to converses!

http://angelfac3shoes.blogspot.com/

one of my fave online shop-blog

That Fire You Ignited

2009-06-05T07:04:00.000-07:00

if you would dance and dance

willing or un

how would you roll

how would you follow the beat

would you care about your surrounding?

would you look around wondering if other people might stare?

would you?

i know i wont

im dancing leaving other people behind

i felt the heat

the lustration within

between walls

theres a world

the one you created

under the same sky

only different in virtual

its tempting you see,

once you start you can never stop

in other words, may be addictive

youre becoming someone different

someone new

someone youre unfamiliar with

but somehow you just feel belonged

curse me

cast me a spell

that kind which would never make me stop dancing

this heart will smile to its furthest extend.

Updating Simply

2009-06-03T04:18:00.000-07:00

i just finished reading

THE TIME TRAVELERS WIFE

and i have to really give the author

some credit.

the book was good, reminded me

of twilight

but the rank was an A-

instead of twilight which is like

an A++

but still it was good

finished it in 2 days

(its like 400+ pages)

i recommend that book lovers should read it

and those couch potatoes who

really is desperate to find

some way to kill boredom

the book is good

i got hooked on just after

a few pages.

found this at a friends blog :)

2009-05-28T04:03:00.001-07:00

October Baby.

Loves to chat. Loves those who love them. Loves to takes things at the centre. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Brave and fearless. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care to control emotions. Unpredictable. Extremely smart, but definitely the hottest and sexiest of them all.

i love you too ^^

2009-05-26T03:46:00.001-07:00

you took my heart away

2009-05-26T03:40:00.000-07:00

The Beauty of si Hodoh

2009-05-26T03:16:00.000-07:00

yaaa aku cinta sama mereka

:D:D:D:D

there once was a girl named Hodori, ppl call her hodoh.

but nowadays she feels less ugly.

because she found the supernova lot.

theyre super hot

super talented in karaoke. !

super magnified significant things

and deep in their hearts

full of love

ps : i love you Ji Hoo ^^

Tell Me

2009-05-21T07:10:00.000-07:00

of all things

of all times

why?

my hearts on draught

cant think either

whats wrong with it?

ive lost it

that thing

my reason.

that was always there beside me

that held me when i was cold

gave me my needs

and its not what i want

its what i need

its what i lived for.

ive lost it now

and theres no sign of any

that makes me feel

its gonna come back

its moving on

not looking back

leaving behind

marching onwards

Hold Me

2009-05-19T06:54:00.000-07:00

i miss you

the way you comfort me

the way you make me feel

the way you carry me like i'm flying when i walk

i need you

here. right now

i doodled you all over my notebook

please come to me

Shoes come to me,

platform heels or flats or pumps or booties

Baby Come Back!

Baby I'm Drooling Over You

2009-05-17T05:20:00.000-07:00

i want it ALL(i want it.. i want it.. i want it..)

i really cant wait to get atleast a pair right now!!!

uhh, so stressing :(

i'm in love

supercalifragilistic-feel-like-killing-myself-docious

2009-05-14T01:23:00.000-07:00

aint that a super long title, but anyways the content is longer. hush hush

what am i to blog about,

i'm still in my exam week, next week is the final week for mid year.

tomorrow, for i will draw !! and sketch and ugh.. PAINT.. paint is pain for me though.

i love skecthing.. but no thanks for painting. you see the picture? i still paint like that -.-

and! we're strtg rehearsals for june performance this sunday :DDDDDDD

oh well. at the process of going thru the midst of teenage life is very mind twistingly confusing, sometimes youre just sooooo happpyyy you can blow uppp and sometimes youre just sooo upset you could throw up, and theres other times where you got dumfounded, like you just fell from million feet high and you fell and land, not feeling anything, just a numb feeling you dont know how to describe, which made you think about theres so much outside that you dont know about somehow builds up a fear inside you........

and bla BLAH BLAH X)

this is so boring

benche

2009-05-05T06:12:00.000-07:00

sometimes you gotta think about whats offering, and at other hours you think about your one and only heart. it comes, with a slow time. you wait all your life for it, but in the end, youre just not sure if all the wait, if all the wall-climbing, are all worth it. and somehow youre still just a stone there, a positioned statue. not knowing which step to take, nor knowing how to walk at all in the first place. you wanna get responsible, but which case to hold of you dont even know. it seems like the world is gonna rotate forever, and in forever's time, youre going nowhere.

Its Mae Elliessa!

2009-05-05T02:07:00.000-07:00

Princess Mae's birthday!

happy birthday again!! haha i know i wished you in school like lots of times but yeah.. happy birthday!

this girl is one in a million friend, always understanding^^ absolutely gorgeous! describes a princess huh? :) may you strive in everything you do. I LOVE YOU !

love always,
SITI <3

GUYS SNAP OUT OF IT

2009-05-02T04:21:00.000-07:00

HAHAHHA okay okay, i'll type something cheerie here then..

umm im really happy. junior class started!! so now i can like see alesia and clubhouse evry weekend!!

heres how i feel

*super yellow

*i couldve danced all night ( god i miss doreen singing that song!

and its like flashback, looking at all the youngsters dance, , me and alesia... ^^ four years back.. so cute and dance like what only.. haha ^^

Come Sing

2009-05-01T04:01:00.000-07:00

why..?

why did it happen?

i dont want this.

theres this steps in front of me

should i go with steps?

or should i lean back in my head

counting my fingers again and look away

and there i walk with it behind me, left instead?

well you look me in the eye and stare

no you never did look, when you only see

what am i suppose to do the chance was there

so i took it..

but i guess..

nobody mentioned my memory

oh yes we saw the lovebirds out there

but im just the deserted pigeon in the air

feeling a lil unbreathable in this love affair

wondering what its like to be cared

i thought you were the one, that he

the one that took my heart and meant to be

i was too blind, the real i couldnt see

all i wanted to do is for you to sing with me

in the end im stuck on the beds of lavenders

i still dont know how to greet lovers

nor my wish never yet to come true

now im praying from afar..

somebody good..

please..

Take care of you.

for Real

2009-04-28T06:02:00.000-07:00

its just unbearable yet its something you have got to hold on to. all i want, if they could learn and understand, and appreciate

2009-04-27T05:13:00.000-07:00

i'm dreaming across the hallway.. we're dancing by our first step.
forgetting the surface.. the soles untouched
the sky cleared for the day
as though its telling us to dance more
i wont stop, that i know
i could dance all day all night all year

at the field, we felt the ground by our backs
and a drop fell on my lips
it was from the sky

you got up to your feet
and took my hand
danced with the crying sky
here we are
never saying goodbye

hey magalenha

2009-04-25T16:23:00.000-07:00

woah liao. haha XD

seriously. ive only like watchd latin in youtubes'. but when i actually see it live, i just couldnt breathe.
i shouted out too much i think i'm going to lose my voice soon, here comes the sexy voice ;D haha. oh my gosh.. really.. the only word in my head was awesome. through out the night my feet has been killing me like nails stabbing em but when they danced i couldnt feel a thing at all. maybe it was getting numb X) but the point im trying to get to here is, they were so good. especially when they danced to one of my fave song, Magalenha.. its like i was in another land.

oh then i saw them waltz! its just really exactly like fairytale. it looks like merry-go-round, unstoppable.. i wonder if i were to suddenly got to the dancefloor, i wud get alot of shoe print all over me *shiver* oh their dresses.

omg!!! and this is one more weird thing, not weird but i feel like the night
really was so perfect.

everything was yellow. not all la but most of it!
the balloons! they were yellow!!

ok im gonna just type with this babe colour ^^

and theres like a few yellow dress which i was rlly in love with.

no, i was in love with everything that happened that night, i had to pinch myself every now an then to check if i was dreaming . and to the fact that i really wasnt.. AH! ^^
alot of things, a whole lot of love, happened but imma just keep it all to myself ;)

Frustrated

2009-04-21T04:25:00.001-07:00

im fighting to put a smile on this face

ive been feeling a love i cant ever replace

but you know, im the only one in the world feeling like this

youre not coming

you dont seem to comprehend my feeling

youre just some, whom obliged in my soul

, hunting for happiness to take part in sorrow

no im just

i want to see you

can you believe it

im currently feeling the wind they brushed into the trees

it made them greens dancing by the foyer

glaring its symphony to me

the music

is it a message for me?

is it my own letter

or is it just my imagination?

this is how im feeling

unsure of reality nor imagination.

a word by word i take care of so gently

when all i get is a mind thats still

just floating around somewhere.

OUUUuuuchhhh! sob

2009-04-17T04:49:00.000-07:00

i decided to bake today.. since tmrw is DTB reunion :)
a made chocolate cookies ;D getting excited?? haha

but thing is.. i got a cut and three burns.. at my finger.. it hurtsss!!

they better enjoy my cookie! ^^

hello cupcake

2009-04-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

siti, i selsema lah.

aaaaaaaaaaaaa CHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

LOVE,

wonderwoman

sweetie pie?

2009-04-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

aaaaaaaaaaaaah,

i'm so HOT!

LOVE,

wonderwoman

cayunk...

2009-04-16T18:09:00.000-07:00

hello siti :)

u dah pangsai pagi td? ke o'oooooook?

LOVE,

wonderwoman

Watcha gon do with all that K inside that U

2009-04-16T01:50:00.000-07:00

Im gonna get get get an I get N G
KUNING LETS GO LETS GO KUNING!!!!

i woke up in the morning, got me goosebumps...........!!!! i dont know how to put in words how i felt, it was extremely overwhelming! i was so semangat. its our last sports day for form 5. i tried to find every yellow things i have ^^ inka bought me the yellow head band so i wore that thru out the day! :D our yellow house theme was the almighty brave Lion! roar! the arak lintas (as he says 'cross beer' =.= that genius potato..) was awesome!! there was Celine as Cleopatra she was gorgeous, and nadia was the handsome trojan. the formation was great.

at the grand stand i was sitting with nina.

me : i love the sky.. look!
nina : siti you say that everywhere you go.
me : its so pretty
nina : hmm.

but seriously the sky was pretty, with the atmosphere and all. the stadium i love the stadium.

me : i love it here, if only its like open to public i'd go here everyday and run at the tracks
nina : brrrr, alone? tak takut ke ada hantu nanti
me : errrkk..

then came to senamrobik comp. i was sorta nervous but after i entered the field i forgot about it and enjoyed myself thru n thru ^^ i never knew there would be a day where i actually have fun with senamrobik, and this with spirit and energy to give all out. all of senamrobik girls got three black claws, and painted whiskers on our cheeks! yeah we're the lions! all of the grls was so cute im very proud of them. and the our ending position was like ROARRR like Alex in madagascar you know that pose where he goes roarrr yeah we did that pose, it was so cute! i still remember Ilana my form 1 junior she'd go """ ohhh my fave part, siti siti can i roar?? """ yeah go for it!""" yayyyy!!"" of course her roarr was THE loudest. she's so cute, all of the juniors was so cute. i miss rehearsing with them, theyre so much fun.

and when acara penyampaian hadiah we were all holding our hands, more like gripping, closing our eyes tight wishing and praying as a team to win this year..
and when they announce the 4th and 3rd place which wasnt yellow house i strtd to cry, (there we go again) and the " johan acara senamrobik jatuh kepada rumah......... (everybody started to cheer)... kunninNNGGG!!!!!" I WAS HUGGING EVERYBODY, LEFT RIGHT WHOEVER I COULDNT BOTHER I WAS SO HAPPY.. okay you readers might think hey its just senamrobik.. but man the core of our hearts its the first taste of yellow house actually WON in many years we've been the last place, so yeah, give us a clap ;D and then the results for arak lintas! and we got first place TOOOOOOOOO. ROARR GIRLS, ROARRR! I WAS hi 5'ing everyone this time, i hit my own eye, like accidently poke but i cudnt care, my tears was running down mad. and i saw our house master, Siti Aqeela she was in tears too, that moment was very touchy for all of us. but though, the real moment we've been waiting for...
"kejohanan sukan tahun 2009 jatuh kepada rumah.." we yellow house second place, it was a dart to our hearts, blue house got first place for few years straight i dnt even rmmbr since when. but then second place is a good step up from the last place okay lemme rephrase! GREAT STEP UP. so the spirit was indescribable. i'm proud to be in my house. I salute Siti Aqeela. so as bunny says because of her undying support yellow house actually stepped up.

oh so then after everything, me n my friends went to go have lunch at OT kopitiam, Rina drove!! with her P license, or was it L? but it was awesome all 6 of us in a car, ive already started dreaming about after SPM roadtrip.. BANG! okay back to reality. more to hardwork.. no more house prac :(

but BABY I'M SO PROUD TO LOVE YELLOW ^^

aint it obvious

2009-04-15T05:05:00.000-07:00

evidently dont you think. its clearly stated. =.=

the heads too slow to succumb
the knees and limbs getting numb
and these words that tangles on my toungue
had a feeling the worst had come to sung
i had the dream a foolish one
a man in figure held a wand
casting a spell on me

was he bewitching?
or was it curses
i was on air the spell mustve been lifting
he kept on his verses
and i my heart exploded then

he made me feel indifferent
he made me better than whom i was
a tale to on depend
a grasping brass

but time seems to go as it fades
above all some things still in my head
burried in deep
made you cant you sleep
a feeling most likely to go
but only the heart knows
unfortunately for me
only my heart knows.

the wedding story

2009-04-11T10:07:00.000-07:00

i got there arnd... 7 ish pm.
all the while was thnking about the food XP
there was jokes going arnd
and our table is the only ones laughing
had to stand up and sit down back few times..
raja perlis was it?
took lotta pictures. now is 2 am
and im tired.
brought back a white rose
and it smells so nice.
^^

100 truths

2009-04-09T17:15:00.000-07:00

A hundred truths.

1. Real Name: Siti Amirah Binti Abdul Rahim
2. Nickname(s): Siti, Amirah, anak jawa(uncle tamimi!!),shichi, hagu, chi, busuk, Mak Cik
3. Age: going on 17
4. Zodiac Sign: sexiest sign ;) liBRA
5. Male or Female: guess?? haha
6. Elementary: Sri Petaling
7. Middle School: Sri Aman
8. High School: Sri Aman
9. College School: UM!! with my prayers ;)
10. Hair colour: brownish black
11. Long or Short: short ;(
12. Loud or Quiet: middle ehehe
13. Sweats or Jeans: apple bottom jeans
14. Phone or Camera: camera phone
15. Health Freak: nt so much, very fragile
16. Drink or Smoke: drink vitagen and smoke oxygen!
17. Do you have a crush on someone: sssshhh!
18. Eat or Drink: eat maybe :P
19. Piercings: (only the ears okay)
20. Tattoos: glitter sticker tatoos
21. Social or Anti- Social : .........
22. First piercing: 5 yrs old. it hurts.. back then
23. First relationship : form 1
24. First Best Friend: Rushahidah Aishah
25. First Award: gunung ledang camp (2 yrs old)
26. First Kiss : '''''''''''
27. First Pet: Lilo, monkey ^^
28. First Big Vacation: Sydney
29. First Love at first sight : ++
30. First Big Birthday: McDonalds!! std 1
49. Eating: not now.
50. Drinking:
51. Excitement level : dull.
52. I'm about to: go post this up?
53. Listening to: my classmates rambles n gossips
54. Plan for today: rumah kuning? stayback til god knws wht time
55. Waiting for: 25th and 29th
56. Energy Level: moderate
57. Thinking of someone: yes
58. Want kids?: someday
59. Want to get married?: someday
60. Careers in mind?: dance teacher :) not possible..
68. Lips or Eyes?: both
69. Romantic or Funny?: i dont know
70. Shorter or Taller?: taller
71. Protective or Caring?: 20% protective 80% of the rest
72. Romantic or Spontaneous?: dnt mind
73. Nice Stomach or Nice Arms?: dnt bother =.=
74. Sensitive or Loud?: ni satu lagi soalan..
75. Hook-up or Relationship?: ...
76. Trouble Maker or Hesitant?: whaaaaa
80. Lost glasses or contacts: dnt hv em
81. Ran away from home: for vacation.. haha
82. Held a gun/knife for self defence: from a cockroach! it was flying!
83. Killed somebody: that poor ant ;(
84. Broken someone's heart: yes
85. Been arrested: hihihi
87. Cried when someone died: yes
89. Yourself: emmm, be more pandai you idiot?
90. Miracles: watchg moon in the morning :) i love that
91. Love at first sight: more to Like at first sight
92. Heaven: uhuh!
93. Santa Claus: for fun ;D
94. Tooth Fairy: theyre my parents =.=
95. Kiss in the first date: aint tht cheap +.+
97. Is there 1 person you want to be with right now? : yes
98. Are you seriously happy with where you're in life now? : thankful
99. Do you believe in God? : =.=
100. Post as 100 truths and tag 10 7 people:

QAASIM
surayyn
anybody who reads, AHAH!

<3

<3 ?

2009-04-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

sigh.
whats life towards working hard, the never ending bricks of sweats.. and this massive headache ive been having =.= yeah having it now, i feel like taking that cordless and drill it at the side of my head.

so i took a book and tried to read, and the next thing you know i'm slumbered away. its like as though ive been working shipping or something, end up dead tired everytime i got back frm school. and the most scariest thing. i lost my addiction in novels!!!!!! but to shakespeare i still read, once in a while, been smothering my thoughts with pages of king John one of many from the author's work. where or where can i find you back my passione~.

i guess i just need back my dancing, really looking forward to May :)

and i really miss somebody ^^

Qaasim

2009-04-05T07:44:00.000-07:00

i miss them like crazy,

qis's blog : I swear if I could, I'd make up a law to make it illegal to have feelings for someone who doesn't return them back.

thts so cute Ayu!! XD

Blondes?

2009-04-05T06:43:00.000-07:00

lotions are spread now what next?
manicures, check.
pedics, check.
what else?

cmon brainstorm.. i know yr a blonde thts like the main thing you cant be doing. a blonde.. brainstorming? are you kidding?

XD

blondes actually wrote break up letters for themselves and put em by their side,, and next thing she picks em up, pretending to get shocked "oh its for me" and look happy, and when she opened the letter she cries by herself (okay thats from disney channel but its so blonde! xp)

i got no job

2009-04-02T01:09:00.000-07:00

lifes like an hourglass glued to the table.

to tell you the truth. ?
to tell you how it feels like. ?
to let you know how you really hurted me. ?
to tell you a story on how i cry every night. ?

you just wont get it
the fact that i did silently pray
for you to understand your own tricks
how you apply them towards the people around you

why do i care?
because of this now
you make me dont care
you make me refuse to imply

love
is what im waiting for
lust
is just one part of life thats a devil to me
loath
just one thing i have for you right now

and i have to say sorry
that i may have hurted you
cause all thats in my head
is one verbal thought
"angst"
which means alot of things..
which i have learnt today
youre just my imaginary
i created you
and you decided to hurt me?
i accept
and i admit
i am hurt.

but you dnt know that
from these scars that you drew
they can always heal
and beneficial from it too
i learnt from my wrong do's
i can study you
and destroy you from that

all i want to tell you is that.
i just typed crap

--.--
\

i feel like typing right now.. so i type junkies. XD

<3

qaasim i miss you ;)
pondans i miss you ;p
you you i miss you ;)
Acky<3
doraemon
mr teddy
jazz shoes i miss you

..

2009-03-31T01:28:00.000-07:00

i kept on sighing the boring life in
sucking the air loathing it all together

i dont have any reason left for me to go on

what the hell am i looking for?

maybe you would know what i want?.. probably..

well if you dont mind telling me what to do next i life?

perhaps not.. life would be boring if it is very much predicted like that.

i want you to know.

and i want you to tell me

tell me how you made me feel.
tell me this whole thing that happened is unreal

so that i could atleast take them back

things you dont want to hear.. i 'll take em back

i would do anything for you
you are that kinda person..

that i would fight for.
that i would jump to deep falls for.
that i would held my breath everytime i meet you

its uncontrollable.

when will it stop?.

Lullaby

2009-03-27T05:32:00.001-07:00

this is the time when my hearts screams.
i cant sit still
i have to move around in places
thinking of that.. you know..
;(

Another Something i Wrote in my Doodle Book

2009-03-23T05:34:00.000-07:00

i just cant afford to sleep
with a heart pounding for more
you'd guess this heartbeats
crying out loud as he speaks
Angel, thy voice,
As only one drop heals me sorrow
i have to hear him everyday
even now and tomorrow's morrow
he speaks as he sings
Carnival to a life
my dull life is now a circus
now that he came with non effort
i'd fly for him all the way
to mount Olympus
and meet thy myth gods
To ask the emperor, for mine and only
Entreu my guests..
the cloud of Angel and me

....

oh dear
i would sit here all day
by the pavements
watching the clouds cry
washing my tears all the way
though the day was torn and grey
i glow alone in my heart
the only girl in the county
people cry but she, smiles
all the burden seemed like a feather
cheers to the memories to come
The one that will last forever

LOVE

2009-03-21T02:57:00.000-07:00

oh prince charming come and set me free

oh well look what youve done

2009-03-20T07:33:00.000-07:00

altho its been only a few days, i felt like i havent blog for years.
i really still cant believe the fact that King's Cross won. we won buddies XD we won we won we won. haha xp well, that is the result of all the hardships and teamwork. now i miss all of them.

i stay as still as the cold waters
wondering what have brought me here
im way up here beyond any ground
and i know that i've fallen so many times
but today
i wont

i'm waking up
breathing the right air i should be
and this time i wont give up
and let my hope shatters infront of me
take a step ahead
stop dreaming to reactions
fill you heart with this song
and look where ive stand
i'm with the best hand in hand
for that i cant ask for more.

what have i always wanted to do?

ballet
figure skating
go kart
visit an art gallery
go to Japan XD
publish my works. (hmm nt gonna happen)
dance with someone close to heart :)
sit by the seaside and sketch
loads more xp

King's Cross :D

2009-03-15T09:27:00.000-07:00

did you see that coming? i bet you didnt, look baby, its Victory

Humairah ;(

2009-03-15T08:27:00.001-07:00

baby still can pose ;)

yeah

pro kan ;)

i miss her so much, she sleeps with me always but now she's there ;(

its okay baby, i pray for your health =D

<3333333333333333456789>

New Sunshine

2009-03-10T04:20:00.001-07:00

in the beginning,
every sunshine that ive greeted,
with unbroken smiles and everlasting hope,
galloping in the salted mist,
leaving the layout sand
with marks of my pirouettes
the perfect kind of gentle
the golden rights of hazy sun rays.
its the time where
i knew how to love
i learnt how to laugh
but most of all
i tasted a new taste of despair
my cry.
the mountain high of hopes that crawls beneath
leaving me only a choice to die
simple verbs came from that angel lips
only meant the deepest core of its tragedy
untangling tongues
to be of softly speaking
but all that was spoke was all more of heartbreaking.
any stranger that passes wont come to listen
it would only take a minute
to understand
it would only take a few seconds
to even like,
pay attention
just for a little time
it doesnt even matter
just recognize
and say whatever
that makes the other person feel better.

i pray
a silent inner pray
every day of the week
pray to lord
let me be brave to speak
although i am just as any other person
the weak
but i have my love to protect
my heart to open

please.

Part of My long long long Essay ;P

2009-03-10T04:10:00.000-07:00

she felt her own heart pouncing out of her chest. Screeching to get out leaving herself dead. that would be a better conclusion than facing this stupid life. "No Miss Felton, you cant help me or bring my mother back to life can you? Nobody in the world can help me. I'm alone noe, and it is my fate."

"There is where youre wrong. Youre thinking that this was all suppose to be this way, as though your mother left you because she wanted to, and for that you want to live alone in the dark all by yourself, carrying the burden like you deserve it. Think about it, Mika. All this feelings youre having is all made from you. You can change how you feel, how you live, to be a better person or maybe anybody at all, be you. You dont realize you own your body, you have powers over it. Trust me, if you just believe in goodwill, surrender your days to God and not end it by your own remark, lay hope everyday and never give up, i believe in you that you will go through this, Mika. I believe in You".

...
by an essay "Thank You, Teacher"
Siti Amirah

Inka tagged me

2009-03-10T03:54:00.000-07:00

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, go to your own Facebook account, paste this as a note. Then, put x's next to the films you've seen, add them up, change the header adding your number, and click post at the bottom. Have fun.

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
(x) Fight Club
(x) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
( ) Blazing Saddles
( ) Airplane (Flying High)
Total: 6

( ) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
( ) Labyrinth
(x) Saw
(x) Saw II
( ) White Noise
(x) White Oleander
(x) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 14

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
(x) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
(x) American Pie 2
(x) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 19

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil 1
(x) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
(x) Little Black Book
( ) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 27

(x) Finding Nemo
(x) Finding Neverland
( ) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
(x) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
(x)13 Going on 30
(x) I, Robot
(x) Robots
Total so far: 35

(x) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( ) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents
(x) Meet the Fockers
(x) Eight Crazy Nights
(x) Joe Dirt
(x) King Kong
Total so far: 44

(x) A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal
(x) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
(x) Dumber & Dumberer
(x) Final Destination
(x) Final Destination 2
(x) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
(x) The Ring
(x) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
Total so far: 57

(x) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
(x) Chicago
(x) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
(x) Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
() The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 62

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
(x) Ten Things I Hate About You
(x) Just Married
(x) Gothika
( ) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
(x) Coach Carter
(x) The Grudge
(x) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
(x) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 71

(x) Bad Boys
(x) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
(x) Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(x) Bourne Identity
(x) Bourne Ultimatum
(x) Lone Star
(x) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
(x) The Fog
(x) Ice Age
(x) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
(x) Curious George
Total so far: 88

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
(x) Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET
() Children of the Corn
(x) My Boss's Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 97

( ) Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x) She's All That
(x) Calendar Girls
( ) Sideways
() Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
( ) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
(x) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 106

(x) X-Men
(x) X-2
(x) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
(x) Jeepers Creepers
(x) Jeepers Creepers 2
(x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
(x) Cruel Intentions 2
(x) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
(x) Shrek 2
Total so far: 122

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
(x) Boogeyman
( ) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 125

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
() Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
() Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
() Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 128

( ) Baseketball
() Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
(x) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 130

( ) The Jacket
(x) Kung Fu Hustle
(x) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
() Monty Python and the Holy Grail
( ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 134

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
(x) Hulk
() Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 Days Later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 138

() Kill Bill Vol. 1
( ) Kill Bill Vol. 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
(x ) The Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka The Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
( ) Army of Darkness
Total so far: 141

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 147

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
(x) The Matrix Revolutions
(x) Animatrix
( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2
( ) Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
() Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal

153

theres still more movies i watched. >:P

People i tag
qaasim
kak natasha
anis
surayyn
fariz
jojo
shuying

GLORIOUS food day. :D

2009-03-08T04:57:00.000-07:00

i ate alot. as in alot. had roti canai for breakfast. lunch had ten don.(doraemon n mr teddy had the same ;D ) after that, had a few bites of alfin's seaweed wrap. then i had baskin. then alfin got me the japanese ice cream. then i had some of his mee sua (now i know how it tastes like.. damn nice :D) then i took one of the chewy fishcake anis offered me. it was rlly chewy chewing gum hhaha, but aint bad. (everybody in the world would know i wont say no to food) then they all started to ask me to try a fish? was it? i dnt know but it looked crispy and alota red sauce, i asked whether its spicy, but they just kept on saying "just try lah" so i ate it, and when its already in my mouth then only anis started blabbering abt alan ate it and died, and someone else she mentioned ate it and died. -.-" IT WAS FREAKING SPICY, she even took a picture of me that time, spicy face so she says.. anis anis -.-" haha. so then a few seconds later i saw a takoyaki stall and it called my name, so i bought takoyakis and ate em in the car on the way back home. so basically the whole day is like food fair. :D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D:D
i love i love.

alesia bought her dream bag! fish her la, it has yellow stripes on em, besides green also got, the main reason she bought it. <3 you

it was kinda a fun day, mainly because i didnt get bullied. ;)

but not rlly fun because, qaasim not complete. ;(

will be another day.

beside the fact that i ate alot already.. i am craving to bite something. this is bad

Pondan Moi

2009-03-05T06:55:00.000-08:00

alfin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lalalalala. is apparently my sister. hhaha. he is vain XD no lah nt rlly. but seriously i go to him if i need fashion advice, he knows just what to say. the coolest person ;) he's there for me when i need help and etc. a caring guy, aint that rare? ;D very sweet. good looking. (haha i'm like promoting him already, kinda am actually xd ) i really miss you when you were chubby la! he sings so well now, i'm damn proud of this fella, cause like the first time i heard him sing.. it was.. haha, no need to say la, but now, yeah, he really knows how to melt a girl's heart. everything he does comes from his heart. (what are you waiting for ladies? he's a killer:P) XD haha. i dont know what to say now, but i'll edit soon, theres so many things i can say about him, though theres too much and i am kinda tired ;D so yeah fin.

Apologies

2009-03-05T06:35:00.000-08:00

i am so sorry, lately when i think about writing i dont write here that much anymore. most of the time i write in my diary, cause its more convenient ( XD ) so yeah. ;D

QAASIM

2009-03-04T00:41:00.000-08:00

this is my other twin. yeah, our relatives always mistaken us for one another, her granddad once thought i was her and called me by her name. even my dad also thought she was me for afar. XD haha. oh yea we love it. if we're combined.. oh-oh boy youre in trouble. dont you dare mess with my qis ^.^ i call her Ayu <3 known this girl since i was an infant!

and here my energized pig. me love this pig very much. she's so nice and cool when she's calm, but wait til she get high all of sudden, she kisses anyone who gets in the way! but yet, her crazyness clicks with mine so thats why we get along i guess. no other person would layan my crappy moods and bodoh jokes or craziness but her. so buddy live long for me :D

Mae is the saviour of my hollow dull side of my life! i am really thankful that she's the same school with me, everytime we see each other we'll shriek!! no matter how many times we bump into one another, i miss her every second of every minute of everytime<3 not only the lollies in school, Mae if i would i'd give you all the lollies in the world! AAAAANk/zG8-cC3b1Dc/s1600-h/alia.jpg">alia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yeah, the PINK PRETTY PERKY. she is the person that would cheer you up when youre down with her perky-ness. this girl would talk and talk nonstop even if no one would be listenin, in the end she sulks "HEYY! YOU GUYS ARE NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO ME!" the cutest dangerous hot tiny little Alia. <3 AAAAANU/ISQR_UCesEs/s1600-h/alesia.jpg">and finally, i want to end my chicks with the BOMB DIGGITY one. this is mine. she is half of my guts! she has the most big mouth la i'll say haha. and her temper is outrageous! but to me its nothing. especially when she gets sarcastic to me i couldnt be bothered cause i know she still loves me. XD this girl is one bad ass chick and she's proud of it. awesome kan??? ;) ive known her this whole 5-6 years and i aint regretting one moment ive spent with her :D

i miss you guys ;(

222

2009-03-02T03:16:00.000-08:00

my 222nd post :D

oh well this morning i really hadnt the energy to go to school! i was like uh.. dtb ;( during perhimpunan i was really really really mengantuk. i couldnt stand at all, i trie to focus to the speeches but i never rlly did! who listens anyway, so i tried to rest my head, i was so tired til i had headaches..

then thank you my angels! i received a note from Mae, it stated on the paper Siti Amirah 5KA i knew right away who it was from, of course la the best hand writing ever ;) oh dear i miss dtb badly too Mae! she wrote that she needed to see me during recess :D

then when perhimpunan over, i suddenly got hyper. -.-" i listened to all my gf's gossips. gosh i have been missed out alot. and we even played games, cause teacher dint come in class. (exams like tmrw and we can still play.. i know ) then suddenly they mentioned something like nobita and shizuka and i reflexly thought of Kelvin Doraemon!! and also they mentiond abt teddy bear too!! which!! remnded me of MR TEDDY ;( i was abt to cry. i rlly miss everybody! uhh

then after school over, i went home and quickly went for passport renewal. then got to KL.. my father took a road which got us stuck at traffic.. and guess where exactly?? on my RIGHT is PANGGUNG BANDARAYA DTB1!! on my LEFT is DEWAN BANDARAYA KUALA LUMPUR DTB2!! i was like OH NOOO!! i was nagging to my parents all the memories, and finally i cried. glaring LEFT n RIGHT ;( <333333

i miss everybody.
not even one singled out.
i miss the whole family.
me love you all.

anyway i got exams tmrw. so yeah. havent even started any studying -.-"

more to come :D

2009-02-28T19:24:00.000-08:00

3 AM

2009-02-28T11:03:00.000-08:00

3 am and i still awake writing a song, if i get it all down on paper its no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to.

say i cant be honest
the verses left me
im lost in the deep heartest
i cant open my eyes to see

tell me why now
tell me why you'd do this
tell me what did i miss
just make me smile, i forgot how

i turned my back for just a second
spent my minutes thinking of you
but then i looked back, i found my heart got beaten
beaten away from my dream come true

why now, why not later
i still want you to be here
i still want for you to be near
but all i can actually say is goodbye dear

i'll let you be today
you can say whatever you want to say
i may laugh infront of you, i cant hide
but i am really just tearin up inside

i'll just
i dont know
maybe, of course
i'll have to say goodbye
but i'll tell the whole world
im not.
gonna say
it.
now.
or ever.

CHICHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!

2009-02-28T08:04:00.000-08:00

Anis: SITI JUST CAME BACK FROM THE SHOWER!
Qistina: I want pie.
Anis: Oh... She's back now. :D How was your shower?

OK THATS ALL! XD
WE LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!

'Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on the scale, it said 'to be continued''. HAHAHAHAHHA.
It was from the Youtube video.

Razlan: MAK CIK!

:D

Douchebag's are not worth the while :D :D :D
- Qistina >:D & Anis ;D (<--- Let us belanja you ice-cream BR!!)

<3

2009-02-27T03:57:00.000-08:00

i miss <3

2009-02-26T22:28:00.000-08:00

what i wrote in Class

2009-02-23T23:21:00.000-08:00

when i sleep last night,
t took me such a long time,
just for me to go dreaming,
felt so hard, stopped my breathing,
whats in my head i cant decipher
....
let .. be, let.. remain not knowing how this feels
or if .. knows let .. go as it kills
when i woke up by my first alarm ring,
i refused, to get up to start a new day
my head was heavy, my eyes still closed.
still sore from tears and chocolates.
when i look at the sky during homeroom,
the clouds glower as they cover the bright sky with grey and unhappy shades of dim
as if to suit my mood, my heart.
the clouds unconnected, broken apart.
where am i? where are they?
my Friends are infront of me asking me why
i couldnt answer all i did was cry
i feel so alone
as that bird flying solo in the sky
telling me even if youre alone you still need to fly and move forwards until the day you die.

i was staring, out the window, the rain was mild, not heavy but calming.

as i was studying Economics..
i saw Affin Bank! HAHAHAHHA. lol. yeah.

ive been wasting inks on pretty papers
just to complain all my never ending heartbreaks
so i saved a little space in my heart
to fit you in the chapters of my life
ill wait for you to come back
i'll wait for you to love me
oh i'll wait for the day
for who knows will never come
well someday we'll see

..

2009-02-23T06:22:00.000-08:00

my eyes are like not mine anymore. i wanted to cry after curtain call, but i couldnt. but in the end i broke down in the car. and at grandma's bday. and after that, and today too. went to school but couldnt stand everything so went back early. and some more being a Ketua class. -.- im not myself.. today is so dragggggyyyyyy. im like have to carry my own legs to walk. til i reached home, and slept for a few hours. that doesnt happen daytime.. for me atleast. i listenen to have you ever- Brandy til i slept. and woke up, my eyes got worse. dull, boring, lifeless, heartbroken.
i practically ate and ate and ate chocolates, cheese sticks, and wasted a whole lot of body water.

and then i thought to myself, i need to take classes, in my head theres only 2 things. latin and ballet. my dad wanted me to enroll in Peter's class, but then i thought i wanted to take Ballet first..
so yeah. im searching for ballet classes now.

life

2009-02-23T03:06:00.000-08:00

have you ever love somebody so bad it makes you cry

have you ever needed something so bad you cant sleep at night
have you ever tried to find the words but they dont come out right

youd give anything to make them feel the same
have you ever search the words to get you in their heart
but you dont know what to say and you dont know where to start

Free Kisses.

2009-02-22T06:41:00.001-08:00

yeah the title.. not from doraemon please! hahahahah :D Shows over. im happy yet very heartbroken. hmm, very dizzing. (is there such word) i dont know lah.

as we go on, we remmber, all the times we, had together..

we will still be friends forever

i love all of you

Verses n Choruses

2009-02-20T19:37:00.000-08:00

You're like poetry
Hiding behind the words you speak
Changing the words of the story
You say you don't love me
Then say that you love me
I'm fighting
You're hiding behind the words
You're speaking
Changing the words
I'm lost in the verse
You say you don't love me
Then say that you love me
Why are you hiding?

you held my hand and watched me go
while you gave me that kiss it was something like this
wiped my tears got rid of all my fears
why did you have to go
guess its wasnt enough to take up some of my love
cause youre so hard to trust
did i not i tell you that i'm not like that
youre the one who
throws it all out away

someone took the key to your heart

Crush on You

2009-02-15T05:52:00.000-08:00

sunday morning rain is falling.... :D

woke up today, laze in bed for a few mins, and got ready for rhrsal at DBKL! :D but i cudnt find my shirt though.. the dtb shirt.. :( so heres what happened today..

got a teddy bear from maimun <3
used my repaired jazz shoes :)
inka replaced me for my solo, i couldnt sing.. ;(
spilled water that landed on my own head.. -.-" haha.. fUnnnneeey
gave Tariq my Daisuki, he better like it, its one of my collections :P (i got him for the Vday game)
astro came to take video of our rehearsal
took picture of the whole cast
felt the early nervousness for the show is near! :D
beautiful diary :)
listened to DK the whole time on the way home. (right now pun) =]
POETRY! hihihi

yeah.. i like today :) rhrsal was fun. of course, since when it never is? looking forward for our performance this week ! this week! this week.. omgosh. how time flies :(

now imma go write in that pretty book.

Tired

2009-02-14T05:10:00.000-08:00

well. started off the day with school, i was pretty late, so i thought, then arrive in school, many hadnt came yet. i dont know why, but i was pretty much excited about this year's merentas desa. some of my friends looked at me up and down with the since-when-siti-ever-like-running look.

i promised my friend to run with her, but in the end as i was running i lost her, she was behind me i think. for the first time in my life, i felt like i have the motivation to run, mom's sneakers helped alot too, its so light! XD the 5km felt shorter distance than the torturous years i had before. i was determined to be at least top 20, just when im about to reach the end of the race, i had the worst stitch, the pain! i couldnt even walk, a st john came up to me and helped me abit, and told me to walk slowly. til at some point, as i was nearer to the school i started to speed up but by the time, all the other girls sprinted already, leaving me behind, and when i reached the school's gate, i sprinted as fast as i could to the end of the race. then i slowed my pace, and suddenly i felt like i was about to faint, omgosh, my sight was going blurry, my head was a lil heavy, all the pain i put aside when i was running came to me like a shower! but after a few minutes, i steadied myself, and i was okay again. all in all the run felt great! :D then we had cheer offs for each house. i saw mae cheering shouting and i told her, to keep her voice, but then after that i was the one who shouted my hearts out for my team, mae's green house ppl shouts like crazy. the results was hijau got 4th place, kuning got 3rd, then merah, champion again, biru. BUT for the first time in how many gazillion years, yellow house didnt get final place!! i was so touched and happy i cried. :D:D:D

then after school, i had to rush to my friends place and shower, then got in a cab, and went for the icc audition. it was fun, but im feeling a lil guilty, cause i had to go back early for rhrsals.

and then at the rhrsal, as i was singing carrying the banner, my voice couldnt come out, i got scared and abruptly stopped singing and went to aunty farah. she told me to see Peter. Peter had a look at my throat and he said some scary things. i never lose my voice before. i almost cried! though yea la, i cry for evry single thing, almost.

then i just had to sit aside, watching them singing and all. :( there were chicken balls and fried chickens, but Peter said avoid oily, fried food. :,( i had to tahan myself from eating them... haih. haha. anyways. it was such a tiring day. alot has happened. and im really tired.

The Day

2009-02-13T07:29:00.000-08:00

i never celebrated the day my whole life before this, yeap this will be the first time :)

*the heart.. inka sent to me :D:D:D

Morning

2009-02-12T15:50:00.000-08:00

http://images.search.yahoo.com/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3Dkoizora%26ni%3D20%26ei%3Dutf-8%26vm%3Dr%26fr%3Dsfp%26xargs%3D0%26pstart%3D1%26b%3D1&w=500&h=383&imgurl=static.flickr.com%2F3103%2F2331653788_df20dbae8b.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Famicheng%2F2331653788%2F&size=123.1kB&name=2331653788_df20dbae8b.jpg&p=koizora&type=JPG&oid=d0a3abff4a8597ce&fusr=Ami+%E2%99%A5&tit=2331653788_df20dbae8b.jpg&hurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Famicheng%2F&no=11&tt=381&sigr=11h9ns9a0&sigi=11gb798s1&sigb=136h79o6s&sigh=116nuko7u

i wanted to upload a cute picture on the movie Koizora! but i couldnt, stupid school internet, filter here filter there.. haih. anyway, do view it ! ;D

the reason why i searched for that picture is because.. early morning, when i was at school.. during homeroom i was glaring at the sky, and i saw the moon shining still up there. i think its so beautiful and magic that the moon is shining while its morning. probably to anybody else it doesnt give any impact but to me, its my favourite scene and feeling. :D a few minutes later. as i was wishing to the moon the same wish every morning. i saw a sky jet, leaving trails of white smoke as they blend in with the clouds. creating one streak of new cloud as it goes. reflexly reminded me of Koizora(Sky of Love) the movie. i was suddenly smiling so bright looking at it, as i remembered every scene of the movie. i was still and amazed i think i held my breath the whole time when i was looking at it fly in the sky :D :D :D and for reasons i dont know about, it got me feeling nervous and excited too, probably the whole idea that the show is only next week. probably.. i dont know. i felt as though my heart expanded like i can feel happy my whole life, happy-feeling-supplies. :P sigh.

Hey Scream With Me?- my song

2009-02-11T23:24:00.000-08:00

i cant stop thinking
will you stop me from worrying
in my own world i keep on wishing
to be with who i was dreaming

so leave me be
do you see what you do to me
just being by my presence
left me out of sentence

i want you
hey scream with me
even just for a day with you
to be here

hey play me a part
you get me out of my fear
when youre near
i feel the beat of your heart
its telling me
to shine

my words in my mind
must i scream it everytime
it feels so real
no one knows how i feel
heaven on earth
living with honour
i write my self my own letters
just to tell myself to be better
girl survive day without seeing him
oh you can do it though the world dims

like in the boat ride
i toss all the coins in my pocket
wishing all my might
as my head singing sonnets
i wish for you to know
im not letting go

so hey
will you scream with me
will you play me the best melodies
with a song 'Love Me Please'
but for now
i kept my feelings to my Diary
telling how i really feel
every definition
a whole lot of situations
most of it is my time
spent with you.

Ugh

2009-02-09T08:06:00.000-08:00

yeah this time its called ugh, wonder why? i dont know. its so irritating, i mean the feeling, you know its one of those moments when you'd like to just shout out how you feel but you just cant. eventhough you told a few people about it, still, it grew stronger, you get more curious in the end youre just killing yrself. time, would you just fast forward now? :)

Another End

2009-02-09T07:19:00.000-08:00

its going to end soon, this feeling.. all those people that keep brighten up my low down weekends. what will the future bring for me? i could only wait and ..

Poem, English Homework

2009-02-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

(teacher made us to do a poem, the kind to describe someone, which.. i dont think i ever practiced.. so i'll just give it a shot..)

She has dyed hair
tried piercings
go for wild party fares
and made icings

She is very bright as the sun will shine
Yet when it is night her heart dims
Her intelligence can make people smile
though when she's broken apart she's ripped at the seams

She has experienced through many things
That made her a beautiful person that she is
If ever i need help i'd ask her for anything
She for sure to be there for me, a friend and a big sis

With all the hand that she ever lend
Never once she asks anything in return
She only asked for me to be happy
Well thats Inka, the cheery cheer cheer person..

it sounds so corny. T.T

Love

2009-02-06T05:43:00.000-08:00

was just wondering about a night wear i'll wear something like this :P

noyb

2009-02-05T16:32:00.000-08:00

have you ever consider other people's feelings when you talk, sit, stand, scream, sing, dance, sleep or any of those factors?

secrets told are meant to be kept, if you think you cant hold onto it then dont listen, dont make other people's lives difficult just because you blurted out their personal interest, embarassing moments, people like you are most likely to be spammed.

you really need to get out there, observe and listen. life is more to all you think about, reality is much different than dreams, yet they exist side by side, however learning both of its meanings are truly what you need in life so that youre able to live with your dreams wide present as your life deprives you in, youre still safe for you have the birth of a dream in you.

i suggest you open your eyes, sit still for a moment and think about things you have done, and things you should be doing. after a day. think about what you did, the good or the bad, compare and then try to improve yourself to be a better person the next day. it should be always "what did i today for myself?" and not "what did others do for me?". instead of feeling "why should he/she make me feel this way?" its better to say "i know myself how i feel, i can change it however i want" so choose to be happy, not proud but complacent.

ugh! i feel like i wrote a boring essay. haha.

Someone

2009-02-05T07:03:00.000-08:00

who knew there would come day i stand on my bed
jump sometimes, and just take my pillow suffocate myself and shout with all my heart

you know that feeling when you just dont know what to do, what got you in such a mess
a person youve never been before

you feel weird and losing your grip on things
people tend to come all around you and drown you with questions you suddenly just dont happen to have the right answer when all the while you knew so well the perfect answer for that particular question, any question too.

and til at some point you shout your song the ones that has been in your head only, for such a long time, its finally out from your head, but not yet for me though unfortunately, nope, nobody has the slightest idea how bad i want to shriek the notes, trebels out of me. well maybe some of them.

like right now i wish i could go to any peak of any mountain, and shout all i can, scream baby scream! til i lose my voice for a whole day, if still i cant, i might just stare at the blinding sun, and being a blind hottie for the day. am i crazy now? just shook your head will you, just be a liar for me.

Carabella

Its Time To Face The Music, I'm no longer your muse

Hereby name you, Seltide.

Used To Be

Dreams Dealt

Mr Shopkeeper!

Cleverbot( qis introduced us )

Pray with Me

Mend Me

I Will Always Remember

Hayuju

Left

Different kinds of answers

October

random

Something with a meaning

Happy Birthday, my sweet friend

the Substitutes

Now Look What've You Done

Yet

For The Love of God

Time

my own Promise Land

Harry Potter gets high. ^^ cute!

:) lets pointe

^.^ !!

Theres So Many Things in My Mind

what a disgrace

pms XD

HOT

That Fire You Ignited

Updating Simply

found this at a friends blog :)

i love you too ^^

you took my heart away

The Beauty of si Hodoh

Tell Me

Hold Me

Baby I'm Drooling Over You

supercalifragilistic-feel-like-killing-myself-docious

benche

Its Mae Elliessa!

GUYS SNAP OUT OF IT

Come Sing

for Real

hey magalenha

Frustrated

OUUUuuuchhhh! *sob*

hello cupcake

sweetie pie?

cayunk...

Watcha gon do with all that K inside that U

aint it obvious

the wedding story

100 truths

<3 ?

Qaasim

Blondes?

..

Lullaby

Another Something i Wrote in my Doodle Book

LOVE

oh well look what youve done

King's Cross :D

Humairah ;(

New Sunshine

Part of My long long long Essay ;P

Inka tagged me

GLORIOUS food day. :D

Pondan Moi

Apologies

QAASIM

222

more to come :D

3 AM

CHICHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!

<3

i miss <3

what i wrote in Class

..

OUUUuuuchhhh! sob